Thanksgiving

I've been trying to talk sense into my family.

Thanksgiving meal is supposed to be a feast of deliciousness, right? The meal is supposed to be a time of being thankful for all of the best and most delicious flavors that God ever created, right?

  so we celebrate that by eating...turkey? and corn?

Is that the best we have to offer? That stuff is okay. But why wouldn't you eat the most delicious things you can possibly think of? If everyone is going to cheat on their diets on Thanksgiving, shouldn't you wanna make it worth it? I don't see why we need to eat fancy, traditional foods at the expense of rich, fulfilling foods.

seriously. So what would I-I-I have for a Thanksgiving feast if I was unencumbered from old people who demand tradition at all costs? warm cookies, pizza, buffalo wings, mashed potatoes, curly fries from Arbys, tons of ice cream, chicken Parmesan, cinnamon rolls from Grandys, baked beans, bananna pudding, chocolate milk, and gingerbread milkshakes.

In MY opinion, Thanksgiving dinner should be treated as a last meal on death row. It'd be way more fun than the traditional foods that makes you feel like you're trapped inside the crappy Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special. (The Thanksgiving one sucks. That rest are super awesome. That being said, I'll still watch it because I watch Charlie Brown at every holiday)

There are SO many people that I would love to tell that there is WAY more to life than music.

There are also SO many people that I would love to tell that there is WAY more to life than sports.

Dumbest idols ever.

They are meant to be reflections of the whole. Don't make it central.

Maybe it's not good for your identity to be found in music or sports.

My favorite places

Two of my favorite places in the world will make you laugh. At me. Not with me. Because I'm not laughing. I'm super duper scary serious.
Two of the places in the world that make my heart unbearably happy are:
Dairy Queen.
and the old inside Pizza Huts.

Dairy Queen makes joy inside me because it's Texas. It's tradition. It's something you've done your whole life.
They're both places that you only ate at during vacation, and our vacations were usually in Texas.
Although, I do remember eating at an indoor Pizza Hut in Oklahoma once. I pass it every time I go visit Sara, and it makes me smile every time I drive past.

You don't find the inside Pizza Huts much anymore. They're usually found in more rural places, I suppose. They remind me of the good ole days. Not really any specific good old days, just olden times of yonder. The pizza tastes like innocence and wonder. I do remember eating at one in McAlister, Texas on a mission trip once. So I guess there is one specific memory there. But usually eating at one just wraps me in a warm sense of nostalgia. I made Sara eat with me at one in Waco on the way back from the ranch this year. It was bliss. I love it. I feels like childhood and happiness.

I feel the same way about Dairy Queen. We only ate there on vacations because there's one at every exit. Well, and because that's the only fast food restaurant they have in Three Rivers. So it reminds me of childhood and Texas and it makes my heart burst. I always try to go there when I'm out of town. If Hannah and Jill had forced me to choose, I would've gone there in College Station too. But i'm glad we didn't.
I love their Texas toast. It's insanely delicious. Three Rivers got a brand new Dairy Queen from the one we grew up with. It's completely different. I don't know if they tore the old one down and started from scratch or if it's a massive remodel, but funny enough, I actually do like it better. It feels so small town. My heart and mind are on overload in those places because I imagine what it would be like living in those small towns and having Dairy Queen be the place the hang out, the place to bring a date. I like that. I like that idea. It's simple. It's wonderful.
I'm a feeler. I feel things. I feel Dairy Queen and the old indoor Pizza Huts. Weird, eh?

So there's some more sketchy secrets about Jordan Hoover. That's me.

goodbye.

I hate my love language. It's the most difficult one. The most frustrating one. Probably the most misunderstood one.
It's tough.
But I feel it enhances my already dumb personality type, and makes everything in me so much more difficult.
Frustration. Disappointment. Yet, who would understand or even try rather than just laugh at me?

It's gotta build my faith that God made me this way for some kind of wacky reason. I've never seen the benefits of Him making me this way, but there's gotta be a wonderful reason...right, Lord? I trust ya.

Give me patience with me. Please. If You don't mind.

Today was my favorite weather of the year. 74 degrees! I’m not ready to call this fall yet though. Just a bit of a cold front probably. Fall will probably be here in a month or so. The rest of this week will probably be in the 80’s…which is still quite nice!
 I love this weather. It makes me feel happy inside. Like, DEEP inside. And even on the outside too! Okay, it makes me feel happy everywhere! I love how fall brings back so many memories. Maybe not so much memories as feelings. I think it’s the feelings that bring back memories. Breathing this perfect air deeply today reminded me of when I had friends. Honestly, it was sweet. Not bittersweet, just sweet. And maybe it was just the N-O Xplode talking, but I’d like to think it was at least partly maturity. Sometimes fall makes me remorseful or make me yearn for the memories or friendships. But today I was just thankful and happy. Weird. Freakish, even. Jesus is good.
    It’s been a stellar weekend. It was dark and rainy all day yesterday and I was able to relax and soak it all up. I got some awesome shirts at the thrift store, the Rangers clinched, t.u. got their butt kicked, I spent 3 hours at the gym (and didn’t even do cardio!), I finished the book I’ve been reading, the Rangers got more hits in the game today than they have since they scored 30 runs in Baltimore a few years ago, and a thousand other little blessing along the way as well.

   My list of favorite Texas singers in specific order are:

1.     1.  Robert Earl Keen

2.      2.  Doug Moreland

3.      3. Roger Creager

4.      4. Aaron Watson

5.      5. Jerry Jeff

I have no idea where to put Pat Green, so I didn’t even rank him. Based on his old stuff, he’d clearly be number 1. If I’m basing him on his current music, he’s waaaay down on the list. But if I’m going to include his entire catalog, he’s somewhere in the middle, I guess.
   Ah. I have nothing more to say. 
That’s probably a lie.
 
But I drank a ton of milk and now I must make a wee wee. I apologize.

Go read your Bible, kids.

the jills

Also. I love spending time with my sister. That's also quite refreshing. I love that we have such a good relationship. There's nothing like family. God has done so freaking much between us this year. The screwy thing is that it was her illness that brought us so close. It was a rough summer dealing her here. Unbelievably emotionally draining. But if we hadn't had to go through there, we wouldn't be where we are now. And as much as it drained me, I'm glad I was able to be there and take care of her and Ty.
    Why does other Jill make me nervous?
oh that's a good question you ask! I thought about that a lot, and I'm not sure I have concrete answers, but I've started to dig at enough to where I probably have the beginning of answers.
 First of all, she doesn't make me super nervous. I just can't completely relax. I don't feel like I'm super free to just be me. I think that's because I've never really felt fully accepted by her and I so badly want her to like me. That's kinda embarrassing, huh? I'm not one who really cares much about people's approval or even their opinion of me, but for some reason, I DO want to be accepted by her.
why?
 Several reasons, maybe. That girl loves Jesus. At times I've felt like she just doesn't like me, and perhaps I've allowed that to be a reflection of value in other people's eyes. I'm not really sure. Maybe I've subconsciously thought, "Oh well if I really was a Godly person, then she would like me."
    Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about anything other than platonic. She's my best friend's sister. Of course I want her to like me! Plus, I've known her since she was a but a mere lassie! You don't want people that have known you a long time to decide they don't like you. I think there's somewhat of a fear that since she's seen me in so many less-mature eras of my life, that has shaped her opinion of me, like I'll always be stuck being the worst person she's seen me be.  whoa, did that make sense to you? It's like the Cross Canadian Ragweed song, "You're always 17 in your hometown"  They always seen you one way. You can't change in their minds. You'll always be the immature person you were back then because that's how they know you.
 So I guess in essence I always feel a pressure to have to prove myself to her and impress her or show her who I really am. If i say one wrong thing, she'll think I'm that bad person. I feel like I have to prove myself. That can be crippling for an introvert. Draining.
   Another aspect is that I feel like there are times when I have been real with her, when I have put myself out there. I don't think I'm fake. I've always been honest with her. I really think I have. But there have been times when (and I don't mean this to put the blame on her!) I feel like she's just being nice to my face. Not that she talks about me behind my back or anything like that. She's not that kind of person. I just mean that she treats me so nicely, but in reality she hasn't always been very fond of me. I guess that's how the real world works, but I would much prefer that if someone has a problem with me, for them to act like there's a problem. It seems more real that way. There have been times I know I've upset or offended or maybe even pissed her off, but she won't talk about it with me. I feel like Lauren has probably talked to her about me in the past too (which I no doubt I deserved - no question), so she just didn't have a good opinion of me at all, even though I'm not sure she really knew me herself. She's the sweetest human ever, but I know there have been times when I've made her angry or jealous and her opinion of me hasn't been good, yet I would never know it because she's so dang nice to me. The only reason I would know is because Sara has mentioned it to me.
        So I guess in the end, it leads me to feel like I have to prove myself to her and yet I always feel like I'm failing because no matter how kind she is to me, I don't know what she's really thinking. When I'm with her, I feel like we're friends and like we're having fun. But then I always question that after she leaves. 
    I guess that's what's up. Kinda dumb, huh? I hate admitting all that because it's so childish. But like I said, it's not a problem I have with everyone. Mostly just her. Because I do adore her, I do admire her, I do want to be friends. I've watched her grow up and I've watched her love for Jesus grow and grow and grow. I admire her so much! Her sister is the best friend I've ever had. I just want to live in peace. And I think we do, but I think it could be better. I'm an INFJ. we always want more. We like depth, we like investing in relationships. I hope I didn't make her sound like anything other than a less-than-Godly person, because she is a Godly woman. And I genuinely DO enjoy begin around her! I genuinely DO enjoy who she is! So much! I really, really do. I love her.
The problem is ME. I'm so overly conscious of how she sees me. It's lame. But that's how I've been conditioned. 

     so yeah, this is an awkward blog. more personal than I usually care to be on my blog these days. kinda creepy. While this one may not be deep, at least it's real. And that's something, I guess.

I just had so much fun with Hannah and Jill yesterday. I wish I could do that every week. Just one meal, a couple hours a week. That would be perfect.
I cant wait for Oct. 8th.

I feel like I enjoyed yesterday more than I should have.
I don't think a normal person would be so over-the-moon like I was. I had SUCH a good time at lunch!! It shouldn't even even be a big deal, nothing to get too excited about. But for me, it was life-giving just to be with other Believers who I know love Jesus and I know love other people. It's breathes life into me to be around other people that want to love and serve Jesus. Or actually, maybe I loved being around them because it is like being around Jesus when you have people who are so focused on Him and their love for Him is reflected outwardly. It's like soaking up His love. aaaaand that's probably cheesy.
 I was bummed that we didn't get to really talk. Yeah I was energized just by getting to spend simple time. But it made me want more. So much more. Like It'd be like eating just a couple of the chips out of the basket at El Fenix and then the server just takes it away. I couldn't handle just eating a couple.
 I feel dumb because I know I shouldn't be that excited or have enjoyed it that much. But i did. and I'm sorry. But I did. I know it wasn't as enjoyable for them because they get that all the time. And more than that, they get depth. All the time. I can't imagine. Aggieland is Heaven, eh?
     I didn't feel that same sense of deep regret and yearning that I usually feel down there. I didn't yearn so deeply that that was my life. Yeah, I still wish I'd gone there, I wish I could go there. But it didn't yank on my heart like it used to. I think that's something God has/is worked on me on...just knowing that my life is mine. (well, it's not really mine, per se...) Just because my life does not compare favorably to other people's...that's ok. This is the path that He has taken me. It doesn't matter if it's embarrassing or disappointing. This is where He has ME. This is where He's taken ME. so it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or where their lives are. This is where He has ME. It doesn't matter if it's what I wanted or not.

booya. out.

Pieces of me

It's been a rough year. Perhaps I'll blog about that in the impending future.
But for now, I think I'll post another superficial blog! Hooray! The one thing I miss about myspace is the dumb surveys that people filled out when they were bored. You don't get that on facebook. Instead you get ridiculous quizzes like "what flavor ice cream are you?" that reveals absolutely nothing about the person.

I love reading blogs, I read a ton of blogs. People are so honest and weighty on blogs. I love that, I really, really do. I love getting to the heart of a person. But sometimes I feel like people are just posturing and trying to sound deep or intelligent. It can be forced or showy. I'm sure I'm guilty of that too, which is probably one of the reasons I haven't blogged about anything of substance in quite a while.
But I digress, and it sounds weird saying this, but....it's kinda nice to get to know people on a superficial level sometimes. Likes, dislikes, passions, opinions, idiosyncrasies, etc. These are all just surface things, but add them all together and it's a big part of who you are!  Sometimes it's the little things that make you unique.

And sometimes it's the little things that bond people. For instance, I’m not sure many people could relate to what I’ve been through. (Which is probably why I feel like a whiny person writing about it. People haven’t experienced it themselves, so to them I just sound like I’m being emo). While you may not connect with my life experience, we may bond over a common interest. I’m perfectly okay with having a friendship that’s base solely on our mutual love for Psych! Ha!

 That being said, I'm completely over doing surveys myself, but I wish everyone was required to fill one out from time to time.
I love learning about people’s personalities. I think you lose some of that in blogs because people are so internalized.

So here's a blog from inside my brain. There will be very little organization here, and I apologize if that drives you nuts. Perhaps you'll learn some dumb stuff about me and/or the way I think.
From my brain to your eyeballs, with love.

My top 5 favorite Christmas songs in order:
1.) The Christmas Song (chestnuts roasting) by Ray Charles

2.) Christmas Time is Here - Vince Guaraldi Trio (also, I love Charlie Brown. just fyi.)

3.) Baby It's Cold Outside - Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Jordan (I used to have a Barenaked Ladies version that was my absolute favorite, but it's lost in one of my technology boxes somewhere)

4.) Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - James Taylor

5.) Merry Christmas From the Family - Robert Earl Keen

6.) Christmastime - JJ Heller

7.) What're You Doing New Years? - Harry Connick, Jr.

That was 7, not 5 like I previously stated. I'm bad at math. But those are my 7 most favorite Christmas songs. I love them. They make me feel cozy and Christmas-y inside. Wow, I'm so secular! I guess I got sick of the ones we sing at church year after year, over and over.

My MOST hated Christmas song? "Simply having a wonderful Christmastime..."
ARGH!!!! That song makes me want to punch Paul McCartney in his stupid British face!! What gives him the right to make such a horrible song?? It sounds like something astronauts listened to in space in the 80’s. It sounds like it came from outer space! A horrible, horrible, unlovable part of the galaxy. Outer space music is terrible. Vomit.

I'm certainly no fashion maven, but I think it looks stupid when guys wear their hat bills flat. I'm sure that's real cool now, but I think it looks like they just got ran over by a steamroller. boom. roasted.

I hate internet lingo like “lol” yuck. I’ll probably never be more than a passive observer on Twitter because I refuse to be constricted to a character limit that forces me to spell “to” as “2” or “you” as “u”. And when a girl uses that, it’s a turn off. Grammar is sexy, baby!

I love the smell of sharpies.

I don't like female nose studs. They make me cringe. They look like tiny, shiny boogers that somehow made their way out of your nose. Again, just my opinion. I'm fashion-retarded so don't mind me.

I love the smell of asphalt in the summer heat! It reminds me of Six Flags. mmm!

The music I feel the most guilty about liking is Ke$ha. That's the most embarrassing thing I have on my iPhone that I actually really like. I bought the whole album! HA!! I never do that! Dang if her music isn't catchy! Good gym music too. But yes, I'm aware that I'm supposed to think it's dumb and offensive.
      In the same vein, I just like happy-sounding, upbeat music! That's probably why I don't get Muse. Ugh, I know I'm supposed to adore them and think they're musical geniuses, buuuut....I just don't get them. Maybe their lyrics are incredible? I love great lyrics, I really do, but bummer music can absolutely kill it. If it isn't pretty, then I'm out. I feel music, and life has enough pain and disappointment, so I generally don't want to feel that in my tunes. Kinda like how I’m probably not going to want to go see a realistic, depressing movie. Sorry! I can get that in real life!
 
   And that’s probably why I like dumb stuff like Ke$ha and Owl City.

One of my favorite songs ever is “Walk Away Renee” It’s pretty little tune.

I love baseball tee’s. If all I could ever wear for the rest of my life was t-shirts with ¾ length sleeves, I’d be perfectly happy! And pants. I mean, if all I could ever wear again was just a shirt, that’d be awkward. I need pants too.

I don’t like it when people call other people “kid”, especially if it’s someone younger saying it to someone older. Just…don’t.

I think Rooney sounds just like Weezer. Every time one of their songs pops up on my phone, I always think its Weezer. So…that’s cool.

I know God loves everyone, but I sometimes wonder why He didn’t color the white people. It’s like He created everyone else first and was like “Whew! I’m tired of coloring everyone in! I’m just gonna leave them blank.” Kinda feels like we got forgotten. We’re so boring. And ya know, kids only color the pictures they like; the ones they don’t color are the ones they don’t really like. White people. Sheesh. So I guess it’s neat that God loves us even though we’re about as interesting as soggy cardboard.

I love socks!! I love socks so much!! I buy socks constantly! Dollar Tree has the best socks and I go there almost every month to pick up a few pair of ankle socks. There is nothing as wonderful as a fresh, clean, new-smelling pair of socks!!

Ironically, I also love wearing sandals. But not with socks.

One of my absolute favorite shows is House Hunters International I could watch that show all day!! And there’s been a few days when I have! It’s so interesting! I love learning things, especially about other cultures and daily life in other countries, and you pick up a lot of little details in that show that you don’t pick up anywhere else. Interesting details. But I also really love real estate, so that’s also a big reason I find it so captivating.

I can’t stand hearing people eat corn on the cob.

I don't really care what people think of me. Your opinion does not define me. 

I wish being a travel agent was still a legit career, because there is nothing I love more than planning a trip! Except for Jesus. I plan so far in advance and love finding the most unique, fun things to do! I love researching hotels, hostels, car rentals, restaurants, etc. I love finding fun things that I think my mates will enjoy!

I’m probably a little too passionate about Texas.

Earlier this summer I finished another Robert Ludlum novel, I just finished reading The Spy Who Came In From the Cold by John Le Carre and I’m now reading a book by Ted Bell. I just realized they’re all spy novels. Le Carre’s books are small, short and surprisingly complex. However, I don’t really care for how he tells a story, it’s so scattered and pieced together in a weird way. There really isn’t much action. Plenty of espionage, but its all mind games and very little action. I love Ludlum, I’ve read a ton of his books. I love the way he tells a story. I love the history involved. A cool thing about most of his books is that they were written decades ago, so there are no cell phones or technology to muck it up. Just good old fashion espionage. 
I’m really enjoying Ted Bell’s book because it moves. It really moves quick, doesn’t dawdle and considering the length, it’s pretty easy to follow! That’s awesome because if you walk away from a complex story for a few days, it can be hard to jump back in and remember all the characters and storylines.



And now you know me.

Kinda.

Looking at a blown-up version of this hi-res photo made me cry. I don't know why. That's life.
I guess it's one of those fleeting moments where simple beauty absolutely overwhelms you and you can't contain all the emotion it evokes, so your body's reaction is to spew tears.
weird.
byebye.

Dear John

Here's some awesome opinions I have based on that ole DEAR JOHN movie.

It was ok. Actually, I liked it. Except Channing Tatum has the personality of wet cardboard. He was more like Dear YAWN. He's not exactly a barrel of laughs. GREAT actor too (see the picture). ha! If Amanda Seyfried's character liked him because of his personality, then she would LOVE me, because I'm slightly more interesting than cardboard. However, I am led to believe that she liked him mostly because he's in the Army and could die at any moment. Girls like guys that could potentially die heroically.

I would be inclined to say that she only liked him for his muscles, but I don't remember him ever taking off his shirt. Then again, I might have just blocked it out because my mind has very little space left and I'm not going to waste what space is left on dudes taking off parts of their clothes. I have no need for that. So forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think he kept his shirt on the whole time, which I think is suspicious. Pretty sure he's hiding something. Now what's he hiding? i don't know. Maybe he's part robot. Maybe he's preggers. Maybe he has a tattoo of Big Bird on his abs. Not sure, but something is certainly fishy.
 Anwyay, back to my awesome critique of the movie. I was amazed at how similar it is to The Notebook. It's pretty much the same story! Watch those movies back-to-back and clearly you will see how insanely similar they are!  Writing letters is nice and all, but seriously, you're probably gonna need a leetle bit more than that to sustain a relationship. So nice try.
I was a bit confused by her last letter. She said something like "I just love you TOO much. That's why i had to marry someone else." what?!??! In what world does that make sense? Maybe in the world of preteen girls, i guess.
     However, despite everything, I still came out wanting to punch Amanda Seyfried square in the kisser! And that's a good sign, because it means the movie made me feel. I love movies that made me feel. That's what a good movie does. You should be stirred in one direction or another. I felt vindicated when she was mean to him. Yet, I still liked her because she was still a sweetheart, but I was mad at her. I was hoping the movie would end with her face exploding, but it didn't. Not sure how I feel about the ending. She doesn't deserve him. Which, in my opinion, the whole movie is really about grace. I think that's the one thing I took away from it. Watch it, it's clearly about grace. The character of Tim blew my mind. THAT dude was super gracious and HE is the kind of guy I want to be. Though a flawed man, he continually showed grace. That was awesome.
  So probably the best thing I got from the movie was that example of grace. The second best thing I got was "Paperweight" by Josh Radin & Schuyler Fisk. whoa. LOVE that song. Tell me that sucka doesn't make you feel! awesome. I. LOVE. it. I think it was originally made for that Zach Braff abomination The Last Kiss, but since no one saw it, and those that did are brain damaged enough from having seen it that they've forgotten it, they recycled for the delightful Dear John. a perfect, lovely song.

   Also, I'm glad that Amanda Seyfried has found tremendous success since the days of Veronica Mars, but she does NOT look like Sara. sorry. She doesn't.

  So there's my opinion about a movie that I saw one time.

I'm watching the P90X infomercial, and to be honest, all of the women look better before the p90x. I don't have any freakin' clue why you'd want a woman with muscle or much tone or any kind of hardness to their shape! Women are just grown up girls, and girls are supposed to be soft and cuddly! Blah. Women should not have abs. That's not an opinion, that's a fact. A fact that I formed out of my own brain, because it's true.
However, P90X is amazing, and I want to do it so badly! I just need to find someone who can get me bootlegs! I hate working out at home, but i love working hard.

In conclusion, women, don't work out so hard. please. gross. No Abs! No Biceps! stop it!

Freaky Friday

The thing that I just can't get past when watching Freaky Friday is that when that little girl was stuck in her mom's body, she would've had to use the bathroom using her's mom's lady parts. and that makes me feel SICK. That poor little girl. How vomitacious! That movie should be rated R!! So perverse and sick. That movie disgusts me!

One brief observation....

I always tend to listen extra hard for God to tell me what I want to hear. I'll be tempted to interpret the littlest things to indicate that He's answering me with what I want.

But when He's telling me no, I'll look for any excuse to not believe that what He's actually saying. I'll write it off as nothing if it means that I don't have to hear Him tell me no.

Foolishness. sheesh.

I had a frustratingly cool dream last night. The kind that makes it hard to want to ever wake up. I keep having these stupid, awesome dreams too. argh!! She was cold, yet completely wonderful. mmm!

It can get a little discouraging at some point when you've written a lot of people and no one writes back. I've written about 5 people who just never responded. I was thinking about this over the weekend. A couple years ago it would have really bothered me that they ignored me and there would have definitely been an element of hurt. But now, it doesn't really bother me! I don't really care until it's several people all not responding, and even then it's still only a little discouraging and nothing more. I just feel bad for creeping people out or whatever the problem is. But oh well! I just like to talk to people! I'm sure my friendliness is misinterpreted as something else, but too bad.

My homegroup has been reading When People are Big and God is Small this semester and it's been an incredible experience. It really rips apart my fear of man issues. I think my issue is most visible when it comes to wanting to impress a woman. I honestly don't care what people think of me except for when it comes to a potential lover. (At least, i really don't think i care, but digging through it all is part of the process). But the fact that I care what a woman thinks has helped me realized how highly misguided my motivation can be. I don't feel like that's always my motivation, but that fact that the only person whose opinion I care about would be a potential ladyfriend, shows me how my priorities are a little off-kilter. At the same time though, I think it's good to want to impress a woman and catch her attention. Kinda. ok, so I should probably finish reading the book, huh? Yeah I'm still processing through everything, but I can definitely feel the effect it's had on me.
From an encouraging perspective, it's helped me to realize how free I am from having to give a hoot about living to win anyone's opinion. It has helped me to really love how God has made me. I think my personality has made it easier for me not to live for people's approval. Or perhaps I'm still blind to where I struggle with that.

Sorry, I'll probably end up blogging this more cohesively at some point after I've processed more thoroughly. 


I ate more horribly this weekend than I have in the last millennium. No lie, I'm 7 pounds overweight right now. oh my mercy.

Eli has a really sweet Hurley case for his phone. I had no idea they made those! i love Hurley.

and I love youuuuuuu!

The Christian man in his present state is like a bird in a cage:

His body imprisons his soul.

His spirit, it is true, ranges heaven and earth, and laughs at the limits of matter, space, and time;

but for all of that laughter, the flesh is a poor scabbard unworthy of the glittering soul, a mean cottage unfit for a princely spirit;

this body is a cog, a burden, a fetter.

-Charles H. Spurgeon

all apologies

I almost feel like I need to apologize for my previous blog. I keep thinking about it. It's kinda nagging at me, because I know the focus was off. It was just raw emotion. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't say everything I really wanted to say. It's hard for me to hold stuff when when my heart gets stirred. I'm a pretty passionate fella whether that be good or bad.
 But the reason I feel like I need to apologize was because that it was so self-centered. I have to admit that when emotion clouds my heart, I quickly become the center of my own short-sighted world. I know that's been true of me for the past few day, maybe even the last week. I'm not saying it's wrong to be excited about someone, but it can't supersede your passion and pursuit of Jesus. I get caught up in the excitement and frustration of being interested in someone. There wasn't any Jesus is my last blog and that has bothered me ever since I wrote it.
     So truth is, there's someone I find interesting, and I don't know too much about her, I wish I did because she seems like someone I would like. I was writing in my journal yesterday and came up with another really bad Jordan-analogy, which I will share with you in the interest of being authentic and transparent.

It’s like you’re out walking in the jungle and you discover a giant diamond covered in tar. You can tell that there’s a glorious beauty underneath, yet you can only capture glimpses where the tar has been rubbed off. Wouldn’t you be unfathomably excited to reveal all of the potential beauty and see what it really looks like? Boom! That’s how I feel! I catch tiny glimpses of this young woman, and I’m anxious to discover who she is! I’m like a kid at Christmas who finds a gigantic present under the tree and it’s wrapped really, really nicely and maybe it, like, smells really good too. I have no idea what I'll find in there, but I can tell there’s something absolutely incredible in that present and I’m dying to peel off the layers and get to the heart of the gift.

So there. That's me being real. embarrassing.
But the reason I want to apologize is because I know the emotions have been at the center of my attention, not Jesus. I apologize for being short-sighted and giving them a place in my life that was more exalted than they deserved. I feel like that's been very evident in my last few posts.


I've found that I really like apologizing. Because I hate it. It's awkward and uncomfortable and forces me to humble myself. I like the results of humility, it cleanses my heart and I feel so light & free! Humility isn't always easy, but it's always necessary. If I can apologize for even the smallest thing, I will. It's kinda like getting free college credit, because I learn something very important that slowly changes who I am every time I apologize.


Should I title this blog "It's too late to apologize" in honor of my most-hated song? or "And this is my apology" from one of my favorite songs ever? I can't choose!!!! argh. Ha! I went with Nirvana. I hate Nirvana.


                          RANDOM PHOTO!!!

  
                          That's some hardcore, gangsta vandalism right there. Dang. Where's the po-po when you need them? This is completely unacceptable!! That was a great movie!!

I am not good at being patient in regards to waiting on God, and right now my spirit is restless.

I always get torn between praying and just sitting there waiting for God to make something happen and actually taking a chance and doing something myself. 
I trust that God will open the right doors at the right time. I trust that. I trust Him. I just hate knocking on the doors to see if they'll open. I guess I'm just frustrated, disappointed and impatient with knocking on, apparently, the wrong doors. Should I just be waiting at the end of the hall for a door to open on it's own? wow...I've completely let this metaphor run wild.

Here's something else that tends to keep my spirit restless. I don't understand why God made me this way. It's quite peculiar. If there is such a thing as a natural romantic, you're looking at him. (i hate admitting all this because my pride would like to maintain any shred of a rough, manly exterior) I have this innate desire to want a woman for me to love and protect, pursue and woo, delight and encourage. All my life, I've been waiting for God to let me out of my cage and go nuts pursuing someone with a passion that's never been seen. (I'm wholly inadequate to describe how I feel.) It's like this desire to encourage and serve and make someone feel beautiful only continues to grow and grow. Yet there's no outlet. It's discouraging and frustrating. I want to make someone feel like the most important woman in the world. I want to serve her and I take delight in her. I want to worship Jesus through my love and care for her. I want to lead and serve. I have a thousand romantic ideas that I'm not sure I'll ever get to use.  Yeah, that's pretty fruity, huh? Are all guys like this? I kinda don't think so. It makes me feel kinda girly. vomit. But if this is how God designed me especially...why?? What was the point of that? It's like giving me wings without the ability to fly. It's just a burden. It seems like a cool gift, but really it's just dead weight. 
      suck.
It makes it hard for a guy like me to see someone that intrigues me and not be able to do anything about it. And you can't go up to a woman and say, "Hey...you're interesting. I want to know more about the real you." because they'll think you're hitting on them. No. I'm not hitting on you. I don't like you. I don't even know you! But you seem like someone I could like. I just want to know who you are! I don't want to know the person you appear to be, I want to know you. How do you get to know someone like that without sending them the wrong message?  What if they're someone that you could be interested romantically in OR what if they're someone you know you aren't interested in romantically but you still want to know them, really know them? I mean seriously! How do you handle that?? do you just walk up and say, "Hey I'd really like to know you well. P.S. I might also be interested in you romantically" or "Hey, I'd really like you know you well. I'm just not interested in you romantically at all." 
   My personality likes to know people. And that's tricky in this day and age. Especially when it comes to the opposite gender. I don't want to send the wrong message. I don't want you to think I'm interested romantically when I'm not. Likewise though, I don't want you to think I'm not interested romantically when I am. Then again, how would I even know if I'm interested romantically if i don't really you. Does any of that make sense?
Do you think some people really are who they appear to be on the surface? Do some people really have no depth and are just constantly only in the here and now?
  Lastly, if I were interested in you, you're super lucky because I couldn't possibly BE any sexier! ha! Totally kidding. But I will make you this solemn swear, if you allow me to pursue you, I will promise to always smell good for you. That's a promise you can bank on. It's hard for me to understand...I may not be the best looking dude in the nation of Texas, but I would pursue like a princess. Do women not want that?

ugh. I just hate waiting and not being able to talk to the person/s you want to talk to. I get antsy and anxious, yet there's nothing I can do. I just want to know about you so badly that I can't sit still sometimes!

So there ya go. an embarrassingly honest blog.
ok. Back to my stupid research paper - the history of intelligence testing from 1880 to modern day to the future. woo. stab my eyeballs out, why don't ya.

              BOOM! Random Photo!

 

I'm not creepy, I just like people.

Why can’t you just walk up to someone you don't know that well and say, “Hey, I’m interested in who you are. I want to know more about you, what makes you you, what you've been through and what’s on your heart.”????

stupid world. 

Who are you calling a cootie queen?

This is currently the funniest thing on tv. It's been on tv for a while, I think.
I'm not even kidding when I say that this thing always cracks me up! My favorite line that I whisper to myself all day when no one is looking is, "Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker?" That woman's face and the way she emphasizes it makes me laugh SO HARD!!!



In other, less hilarious news....IN-N-OUT coming to Lake Highlands?!?!? I hardly call carruth and I-75 Lake Highlands, but shoot, I'll take it!! In-N-Out in dallas. wow. That's something I've fantasized about for a long time. But now it's time to face some realities, this will completely eliminate any reason for ever going to California again. This also means that I will immediately gain 10 lbs. Shoot, you can't even sniff that stuff with out gaining a pound!
    I like to order my burger animal-style because I feel like that makes me about twice as cool and three times manlier. However, I immediately pull all that healthy junk off the burger as soon as I get it.
      I love In-N-Out but I'm not sure I need the temptation of having one on every street corner!  My other question is, will eating it here make me feel like I'm in SoCal again? or will it just feel wrong?  That'd be like eating at Jake's if it there was one on LA. It'd feel like I'm cheating on Texas.
I guess I just need to figure out what Jesus would do.

Metaphors and Soapboxes

Brevity has never been a friend of mine, so I apologize in advance. My head and heart are full, so I'm not sure what will come out or if it will make any sense.

First of all, I remembered that other thing I wanted to tell you a couple bloggys ago. It's another dumb metaphor that I came up with. ooh! I was reading about my meyer-briggs personality type this weekend and it said that INFJs relate best through metaphors! Bingo! I always understand everything more clearly through a good metaphor. Also, I'm still getting used to being a "J". Always thought i was a "P". But I'm very light on the J, so don't "judge" me. hahahahaha!!

anyway, I realized a month or so ago that eating healthy and loving God are kinda similar, at least for me. I know how much fun eating like crap can be. It's fun when you're shoveling down the Little Debbies, but afterwards, you just feel guilty. You can't fully enjoy it because you know that that was detrimental to your goals. There's always that temptation to eat for fun and not for health, but its never as satisfying as it should be. I know that I'll benefit much more and feel healthier and have more energy if I don't imbibe.
     Likewise, sin can be tempting in the moment. But it's all so short-sighted. The benefits of not giving into whatever (usually some form of selfishness...really, isn't all sin self-centered?) would help me to achieve my goal of knowing and pursuing Jesus whole-heartedly, but I'm so quick to trade my passion for a momentary idol. I guess that's why discipline is so important. If I'm disciplined in eating correctly, it makes it easier to be more disciplined in pursuing Jesus.  Is that weird? My brain might just be wired weirdly.

I have a thousand other things on my heart, but I probably won't share too much right now. But I will say this....I heard several stories this weekend about boys being wishy-washy and leaving a girl in limbo while he figures out what he wants. I saw more of that non-sense on tv today too. I can't escape it lately. It makes me so angry! Even Christian guys...i mean, seriously?? THIS is what Godly woman have to deal with? I don't understand it! How do guys not know what they want and why would they dare to involve a girl unless they had a purpose? Maybe I'm just naive. I don't know.
oooh the other thing that bugs me is that girls don't expect that much. I might've phrased that wrong. Because I'm putting the blame on them, I'm again blaming the guys. They shouldn't be able to get away with a simple flowers and candy on valentine's day. seriously!??  Where is the creativity, the hard work, the effort?  This is probably just an INFJ thing, but my goodness, I would want to have to work for it! I would want to have to woo her and charm her and pursue her. I'm not saying a girl should play games or anything, but guys should know what they want and be adamant about pursing her. Maybe I live in a dream world. ...yeah, probably.  But flowers and candy or a date to a restaurant doesn't scream romance. I mean, it's a good start, but...well, i can't tell you what I-I-I would do because I can't have you stealing my ideas! I'm just all about the passionate, romantic pursuit. But again, I'm probably a bit naive. And I reckon that there are lot of girls that don't really want that anyway! And I guess that's ok. I just don't like seeing guys not have to work for it. If you like someone, they should FEEL it. They should feel like a dang Disney princess! eh. off my soapbox. sorry.


Whoa...this is long and i feel like i hardly said anything! yikes. Sorry for once again not saying anything of substance. Your eyes deserve a reward for all that readin'. Here's a picture.

Dr. Piper and the Bleekers! random.

A review you need to read to believe!

Best blog you'll ever read.

It's thought-provoking look at an American icon.

May your eyes smile

oh! also, I feel like you need a picture to look at so you don't get bored reading my blog. I know my readers have super duper short attention spans and if I don't entertain your eyeballs, you'll leave me forever. So here you go.

I drank this every day of my youth. Slimer. Ecto Cooter. May ye Rest In Peace. There will never be another like you.

Cherry-Vanilla Frutopia. You were my drink of choice in 2003. Frutopia was my hero. You were always in my tummy and in my brain.We were intimately acquainted. However, were we to meet today, you would be way too sweet and utterly disgusting to me. I reject you, you nasty little turd.

Mountain Dew Gamer Fuel in this neat bottle, I remember you fondly. Sometimes, in my loneliest of moments, I yearn for you. I yearn for you like no man should year for a soda pop. Your taste is still on my tongue. Sweet to the last drop. I remember a day that I bought you at 7-11 after church, but couldn't get your lid off, so I hammered you against the side of a Long John Silver's building and you exploded everywhere. Thanks for that. Those are the memories I miss the most.

What shall we say about Slice Grape? From ages 10-16, you were my constant companion. My truest friend. It is because of you that I can't even drink grape soda anymore. Too sweet. Besides, nothing could ever compare to you, my love. If I grow up to be a brittle old man, I will know that you have never left me, your acidic sweetness still with me, eating away at my bones.

There. are your eyes entertained? Now you can read my wordy blogs.

Here is a blog!

I watched the old Bourne Identity and not to be a loser, but I liked it a lot better than the Matt Damon one. They're just very different. The old one closely resembles the book. That trilogy are some of my favorite books ever! For days after the movie, I felt like I was in the middle of reading a Ludlum novel and had to remind myself that it was just a movie I'd seen. The movie was made in the late 80's, which I think is probably best because the book was written somewhere around 1980, so all the technology would've been nearly the same. If you make that movie now, there's no way that you'll stay true to a book from 30 years ago because how are you going to make a modern movie without cells phones and computers and high-tech stuffs?  Plus, the old version is 3 hours, and that's good. That's how you know there's lots of plot!
      I don't get the hype about the iPad. Explain it to me. It's not even as good as an iPhone! It's a big iTouch. It's not even as functional as a netbook! I seriously don't understand why anyone needs or even wants one of these things! It's all gimmick! Who wants something that can only run one application at a time? How helpful is that? But, this is typical Apple. They release something new and innovative, everyone will go and buy it, then 6 months later they'll release a slightly better version with the functions they forgot in the first model. Mark my words! By the end of the year, I'm sure there will be a newer iPad with a camera, maybe a speakerphone, possibly GPS or a word-processing app or something like that. They purposefully leave that simple stuff out of the first release so that everyone will have to go buy a new one, even if they already have the old one. They did the exact same thing with the iPhone. Ask Eli! He had to go buy the newest one not long after he'd bought the first one because they'd improved it so much. They do the same thing with their computers and other hardware. It's a genius scam!
      My favorite part of the Easter story is when the curtain separating the holy of holies gets torn in the temple. That's such a small little detail of the story that often gets overlooked, but the symbolism and ramifications are HUGE! AH!! I love that!! I love seeing the sacrificial system done away with once and for all. He's no longer accepting sacrifices. oh my sweet mercy! That sacrificial system was such a beast. It's like this tidal wave of grace, blew in and swept it all away instantly! So not only do we don't have to go through that whole process, but we can go directly to God ourselves! HE is our high priest! BAM! that's freaking awesome! We don't have to rely on someone else, we don't have to rely on our holiness or their holiness, we don't have to make amends for all the things we've done wrong. He has paid it all and we can talk directly to Him. We're already covered! No more sacrifices. Not that we don't try. It still seems to be a part of our evangelical mindset, but it shouldn't be! HE is our once-and-for-all sacrifice. I'm not sure we'll ever grasp how truly powerful and humbling that is!
  I think I wanted to tell you something else as well. If I remember, I'll probably tell you later. My mind is on baseball and the ranch, so I can't really concentrate. I just want to drive down to the ranch and make the rest of the world go away for a while. or forever. umm.....dang....I wish I could remember what awesome thing I wanted to tell you.
Eat your veggies and drink your soda!
-J

Today I hung out with Hannah Goetz. I'm thinking about making her one of my bffs. but I don't know. Her teeth are awesome. Way better than mine. I like to have friends that have teeth as bad or worse than my own. I feel much more comfortable that way. I feel normal. It's a small miracle that Sara and I are friends, cuz her teeth look like they were fashioned out of marble by an Italian artist.  Hannah's teeth are pretty much that kind of perfect too. I mean, it's nice to look at, but it's a lot to live up to. ya know?
But basically, this was one of those days where you meet someone so amazing that you know that you'll never be the same. Kinda like the day I discovered Kashii cereal. I can tell that my life has already changed just by knowing her. People that awesome radically change your life just by being in their presence.  So yeah, I can verify, she's pretty cool for a person. I would say that she earns an A+. No, I'm sorry, she earns an A. I have to dock her because she hates burritos. That's weird. I don't know any Americans who don't like burritos. That seems unpatriotic. People think burritos are Hispanic in nature, but they aren't. They're straight-up American.
    Also, why do I act like such an immature little kid? argh. that bothers me. I'm trying to figure it out. I think it's largely an introvert-based quality. I'm awkward and maybe kinda shy about being real. It's also probably because I spend so much time on my own that when I'm with a bunch of people, it gives me absurd energy...and I know that sounds like that kinda goes against my introvert theory, but it actually doesn't. um....yeah I can't really explain that. or at least, I'm not going to try. I probably COULD explain it.
      I like good conversation, I like to know about people's lives, but I guess I'm awkward in approaching that. I'm sitting there across from Jill and I have a million questions that I'd love to ask about her life, but...I didn't really say anything. I always feel like I come off like a jerk. I do, don't I? I'm just awkward. I swear I really do have quite a vibrant heart underneath all the childish behavior.
I get frustrated with myself on days like these. I get so excited that I act so immature.
        I love baptism days. Makes me cry. But we didn't get to sing at all! what the heck?!? that's my favorite part normally! ah well, kinda worth it. But still, I would've stayed an extra half-hour if we could've sang more! I love baptism days. I really, really, really do. I love my church, I love my pastor, I love my homegroup. I love sitting in church sunday morning and hearing the voices of the Redeemed all joined together with one focus. Blows my heart away.
bye.

Broccoli

Don't tell anyone, but I do kinda like broccoli. Especially if it's cooked. It's not quite yummy, but definitely not horrible!

But let's let this be our little secret, yes?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I need a new blog, so here are a few random things. I have bits and pieces of several blogs running through my mind, but I haven't had the time. Some day I'll have something good, but until then, here's this...

I'm glad the stupid Bachelor is over. That show makes me mad like nothing else! It's the most offensive thing on tv, no question in my mind. Worse than all that garbage on VH-1? Worse then MTV and E!?? yes. yes. yes!! This show completely mocks God's standard of love and marriage, but what makes it worse than any other shows is that it is presented as REALITY. yeah Jersey Shore is insane (Ok i've never actually seen it) but no one watching it is sitting there with googily eyes swooning over it and hoping to live a life like that some day. No. Everyone laughs at that show because it's so ridiculous and so far removed from reality!
The Bachelor gives women the impression this is what actual LOVE looks like. He's a whore. She's a whore. They're all whores! That's all it is. We celebrate prostitution as standard of romance and love.
They're selling themselves for fake notion "love" that's about as deep as a puddle. Selling America this idea of romance that couldn't be further from the truth, it makes me wanna vomit. How can grown adult women watch this show?? I could see junior high girls watching it and falling for the notion that this is what romance looks like, but seriously, grown women??
But I mean, that's just my opinion! Of course, Leap Year was one of my favorite movies of the last year, so that shows ya how shallow I am!

I'm going to run the chicago marathon. probably not this year. Although it's in October...oh but you have

to register in like June, so yeah probably not this year. Besides, I'd like to qualify in some races here first so that I can start closer to the front in Chicago. That's the dream anyway. The race starts at Grant park, goes all the way up to Wrigley and back down to Chinatown! Can you imagine?? I could've never imagined running all the way to Chinatown! Sometimes walking two blocks to the EL to get to Chinatown seemed impossible. I'm pretty excited about actually doing this. There's no better way to see chicago and all of it's little neighborhoods than on foot. Gotta stick with my training and I'll get there! wooo weee!!

I'm excited about the weather starting to get warmer, but I'm going to miss my winter clothing. Why is winter clothing so awesome?? I have WAY more summer clothing, but none of it can compare to the winter stuff. Winter is nice, but I'm much more of a summer person. Winter is for lovers. Summer is singles' weather. But I hate that women think that gives them permission to take of virtually ALL their clothes. What is wrong with you? We don't need to see all your hoohas and whatnots! Save a little something! geez! And I HATE halter tops. (I hate them because I love them in ways that I shouldn't) seriously. maybe I'm a stodgy ole Amish fella, but what right do Christian ladies have to be wearing that kinda junk?

I remember when I used to NEVER drink water and would brag about how I hate it. (why, or even how, would you brag about something like that?) But now water is ALL that I drink, save for a glass for V-8 Fusion every day.

It's march. One of the sexiest months, by far. Here's how I would rank the months by their sexiness factor:
1. April
2. October
3. September
4. March
5. November
6. May
7. December
8. June
9. July
10. August
11. January
12. February

Part of what makes March so sexy is that it's birthed out of the most unsexy months of the year, which only enhances it's inherent sexiness! It pains me to have to put my beloved July so far towards the bottom, especially because it has it's own unique sexiness. But the sexiness of July can't hold a candle to the overpowering sexiness of a month like November when the air is crisp and the anticipation of thanksgiving and Christmas is blowing up our hearts.

When you think about the sexiness of the months, doesn't it make you love Jesus more? It does for me. I get overwhelmed with thinking about all the beauty that He built into this old world. It's funny because a lot of times life is hard and gross, dirty and sad, yet when you step back and just think about the months and season, it's like fireworks going off in your heart. There's still that explosion of beauty built into this planet despite all the horrible ugly things that go on down here. It makes me realize how blessed we are despite of how our short-sighted eyes and current circumstances hold us down.  Winter is romantic, yet harsh. But after that bleakness of those frozen months, the hope of spring blossoms. As the earth springs back to life, my heart

is defrosted. There will always be those brief moments when the smell carried on the wind brings back a memory so vivid and sweet that it makes you  laugh (or cry, depending on how you express joy!) I LOVE those moments. That's why spring and autumn (which is a word I love. vastly superior to "fall") are so highly-anticipated in my heart. I get antsy at the end of February because I know that spring is coming and with it the briskness in the air that, for brief moments, transport me back to being 13 and thinking I was in love or being 16 and driving my friends to Taco Bell in my jalopy. You never know when it'll hit you, what memory it'll bring or where it'll transport you. That's part of the joy, just being surprised and captivated.

am I insane? or do other people feel this way too?

Also, this guy's blog is one of my favorite things. Maybe you have to actually know him for it to be hilarious, but it cracks me up like nothing else.

.

Don't call it Single's Awareness Day. seriously, that's bitter and annoying. It's a lovely day, just enjoy it!

Put a smile on your face and be a happy little human!

Snowy days are the best days for spending some time with old friends like Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, yes?

And when they've concluded their visit, Winnie the Pooh. He's a perfect companion on a blustery day.

A blog just cuz!

This will be all over the place because I simply don't feel like taking the time to organize my thoughts.

First.
Just read this great blog. Ok it's not like it's real deep or anything, but it's an interesting topic that is never

really discussed. I've often wondered how introverts are supposed to share the Gospel with people. If God wants them to share their faith openly with anyone, why make introverts? The church always seems to treat and preach as if everyone is extremely extroverted. I've thought that was an intriguing topic, and I've never found much written about it from a Biblical perspective (not that I've really searched). So I'm pretty jazzed about reading this book. Of course, that's once I have $13 to spare and a giant chunk of free time to read. hahaha....right.

Second.
On my way home from the gym yesterday, I was mindlessly listening to my iPhone and this song came on, which I also wasn't paying attention to until I heard a couple lines that rang out as if sung from a bullhorn. They've have now been echoing around in my brain for the last 17 hours or so.

It's Tenth Avenue North. I looked up the lyrics just now so I could post the couple lines that blew up my

heart and I found that it was written by Phillip LaRue (from that brother-sister group "LaRue" from back in the day! That's the picture on the left. Remember them? hahhahaha!!) and Jason Ingram (I went to school with his brother, Ryan!) I thought that was kinda funny, but I digress. 
The song is called "By Your Side" and if this is some old song that everyone knows but me, then just sue me.
The two lines my heart is hung-up on are:


"Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn Grace?"
and
"Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?"

whoa. simple...but....hit me right where I'm at. Earning grace and looking for love are the two biggest issues that have been weighing on my mind/heart lately. I'm not going to elaborate bc I know this entry would instantly become unreasonably long. I love this song and I'm going to listen to it a lot now. I know I can't earn grace, yet I still catch myself conforming to that mindset. shhhhh....you said you weren't going to elaborate! oh yeah. my bad!

Third.

Have you noticed there's been an resurgence of bands from the late 90's?? yeah! For some reason they're all magically popping up with new albums out of the blue! Third Eye Blind, Our Lady Peace, Collective Soul,

Better Than Ezra, uhhh...there were several more, but I can't remember. I don't think that Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls have released anything very recently. Maybe a few years ago? I'd love it if they made some

new music for me! But only if it's awesome. If it sucks, then don't bother. I want it to sound like the old stuff that we love. Maybe the Goo Goo Dolls could write a new one called "White Balloon" or "Acoustic #4" and Matchbox20 could record "4AM" and "Pull" 
These are serious suggestions, people! Somebody make this happen!!

Breasts are the BEST!

What's wrong with this picture?

Hahaha!!! I know I'm not the most brilliant guy around, but I fail to see the relation between the two. Anyone?
The closest connection I can come up with is maybe...breast cancer? HA!
Yeah, I didn't click the video to reveal the mystery.

Kinda funny though, right?

It's Tuesday, I'm in love

   
           Here’s another simple, easy concept that I’ve begun to see from a different angle. I know this isn’t revolutionary, but sometimes when things are said in a certain way, it allows me to see the same old truths in a different light. I was thinking about how the disciples were constantly misunderstanding Jesus and even though they thought they understood, they were completely missing what He was actually saying or doing. They really thought they got it, but they simply couldn’t see what was actually going on. When He drove the money changers out of the Temple and dared them to tear the Temple down and He would rebuild it in three days, they were pretty much lost. But after He died, BAM! that instantly made sense to them and they suddenly seemed to understand everything!
They had lived their whole life seeing things one way (ie – believing the Messiah would come to bring political peace) and when confronted with the truth time and time again, they still couldn’t see correctly. They were constantly jockeying for position and favor, thus missing everything they’d been teaching them! Time and time again they were missing out on what was really going on even though it was staring them in the face. But once He died, they started to remember what He’d told them and everything suddenly made sense.
Then, of course, He appears to them and instantly they’re like completely different people - they finally understand, they’re confident, they’re bold with no fear. They’re completely different from who they were a few days ago. Once they saw things through the context of the cross, it all made sense.
        
                In thinking about this, it made my heart soar with the gratitude that we (as Believers) already have the cross. We don’t have to stumble around trying to guess at what’s really going on. We don’t have to be clueless. He’s already revealed Himself to us and shown us the truth about Himself, about the world, about life, about everything! The disciples weren’t able to see things through the context of the cross until after it happened. But for us, it’s already happened, so there’s no guesswork! We get to see all of life through the cross, which make everything make sense! How blessed are we?? We know that life is not as it appears. We know what’s really going on. We can see the world & life as it really is, without the mask of the superficial daily life. We understand the meaning behind life.
    Okay, here’s an infamous lame Jordan analogy….it’s like we’re watching life on a blu-ray player and can see the behind-the-scenes at the same time as we’re actually living life. Hahaha….I know, I know, but that’s the best I got! But I think that makes sense, right? We see the deeper meaning, we see the purpose, we have a better idea of what He’s doing. The disciples just saw the external actions of what Jesus was doing and didn’t really get what He was doing spiritually. We’re prone to do the same thing, except we don’t have to! He’s given us Christ, He’s given us His Word, He’s given us the Holy Spirit. So we aren’t left to our own devices in trying to see life clearly. No, He reveals it to us and guides us along the way.
          
                Without Jesus, you’re only seeing the top layer, the superficial external actions of the world. With Jesus you get all the depth and richness behind it all. We can see the overall context in light of His glory and the purpose of our existence, and that makes it all make sense. Not to say that non-Believers can’t enjoy life deeply. Of course they can! But you won’t be able to enjoy these gifts on the deepest level until you understand their intended purpose as you see it all through the cross and understand that we’re just victims of grace.
Looking at all of life through the cross, makes everything make more sense.

Thinking of it from a fresh perspective again, absolutely blows my heart up with joy and gratitude. We’re so blessed to be living in the time we’re living in! We have the cross, He has revealed Himself, He has given Himself to us! I’m overwhelmed and humbled.

I apologize if I lost ya’ll at any point during this. Sometimes words (& especially emotion-filled words) don’t translate from my heart to paper very well. I think I repeated myself a lot and probably should have gone more in-depth with examples to illustrate how rich and beautiful life is when seen correctly....buuuut...i didn't. Oooh and can I say that it's not really that life itself is so beautiful, rather that He is so beautiful that His overwhelming love for us (and really, His love for Himself) breathes meaning into life by allowing us the joy of knowing, experiencing and serving Him.
or yeah.

.

.   I just really like this picture. It makes me feel.

Off-topic

Honestly, I have several thoughts that I’ve been processing this week and I need to write it down and get it organized. So I have decided to think out loud. I swear I'll write something less childish and more heart-y tomorrow!
           
            First of all, I’m wondering how many people have relationships, love, a girl, a guy, etc. playing a huge role in their thinking, even if it’s unconsciously. I think that whole topic probably plays a huge role in people’s lives and we don’t even realize. It's not something people talk about casually. Especially guys. If romance and relationships are close to a man's heart and on their mind a lot, they tend to hide it. If you hung out with me for a day, I'm not sure you'd ever suspect that my heart is longing to romance a woman. That's such a personal desire, but I wonder how many people deeply yearn for those same thing?
How often does the pursuit of romance play a role in people’s true motivation? It’s an interesting thought. I’m always surprised when someone reveals something about themselves that exposes how important or even how consuming the idea of a relationship is to them. I shouldn’t be surprised, but a lot of people hide that yearning really, really well. I’d probably have to include myself in that category as well. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but not my heart. I have no idea if that will make sense to ya’ll. Maybe if you know me it’ll translate.
            So considering that’s something that’s on a lot of people heart constantly, does that make is harder to trust people? You don’t know what people’s motivation might be, you don’t know if they’re trying to win your affection or if they’re just using you to get closer to someone else. It’s messed-up. (I tend to just trust people, so I don’t struggle with this so much, but I have seen the effects of this mindset on some of my friendships.)
It drives me crazy that when we like someone, we play games, subtly hint at our underlying emotions and try to win their affection without telling them how we feel.
How many times have I wanted to just sit down with someone and tell them all the things I admire about them? Even if they don’t share your feelings, to still be able to expound on the thousand amazing qualities you see in them has got to be the most freeing feeling ever!
            As Christian brothers, one of our roles is guardian of my sisters’ hearts, so we have to very careful in how we approach them, so as not to play games, or worse, damage their hearts.  That’s not something to take lightly. Our primary intention is to bring glory to God, and in this situation we do that by deeply, deeply valuing her heart.
            Whoa…I’m waaay off-topic from what I started out to write about! But basically what I was just trying to express is my hatred of selfish attraction. Pursuing someone isn’t a game or entertainment. I don’t understand how people can flirt or like someone that they wouldn’t want to seriously pursue. Don’t waste her time, don’t play her heart. I see it all the times and it makes me want to puke. If you like her then for pete’s sake, just tell her! But of course, only if that’s in the best interest of her heart and only if you’re serious about pursuing her. If everyone would just be honest, it would sure help us trust one another. Compliments wouldn’t be taken the wrong way and contemplated for deeper (and untended) meanings. People wouldn’t question your motives. That would be nice.

This is long. And lame. I feel it’s more out of my brain than my heart. Should I continue? Cuz this would be ridiculously long! Or should I just write and post the rest later? Hmm…I think that’s what I’ll do.

Here's some pictures to make up for the utter craptacity of this post.

.

A family photo from thanksgivin'

A random after-church Panda picture! go panda go panda go panda go!

. I'm thinking about maybe living here.   ...in Heaven. cuz I'd never waste this kinda money on Earth, even though that view pretty much forces you to worship.

That picture of Coach Z below is really distracting me! All I can think about is "Coach Z and Peacey P cold rappity rap!"  "that man just ordered breakfast in the middle of my rap song!" "It's gonna rocket straight to the bottom of the BET charts!" hahaha! I don't know why he makes me laugh SO hard! it's ridiculous.
There's a greater than zero chance that I'm retarded.

a bunch of nothin'

Just a bumch of random things bounching around my head, so bear with me. First of all, yes, I just said “bumch” and “bounching”. It’s 7am and I can barely see my keyboard, but those misspellings are making me laugh, so I’m not changing them.
     I don’t understand all these gamers. I guess I’ve been thinking about that briefly this week because I rented the movie “Gamer” this week (which, after receiving, I realized that I have zero interest in watching because it looks seriously dumb, so I sent it back unwatched.) It also seem like dudes are talking more and more about vidya games on facebook. I’m almost proud of myself for figuring out that COD means Call of Duty and not “cash on delivery” as we’re familiar with from all those delightful infomercials.
     I’ve never been much of a gamer. Life is short and we’re accountable for how we use our time, so I’m just uncomfortable using my time like that. Plus, I just don’t think it’s that much fun. The only time I play vidya games is when people are over. It doesn’t seem like such a waste of time if you’re spending time with people. Even still, we never play shooty games. It’s all Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly, Risk or Mario. Love that little fellow! Oooh…and I did download the Strongbad game to the wii this week, so I’m waiting for someone to come over and play it with me.
     This brings me to my next point. I love Coach Z. Is there anyone funnier than him? Don’t get me wrong, Strongbad and Homestar and Bubs are all hilarious, but give me Coach Z any day! His voice, that yankee accent, and the hilarious way that he phrases things kill me! So I think it’s important that you understand that I love Coach Z. He’s terribly important to me.

     Next, these commercials for When in Rome are terrible…they have Kristen Bell (birthday buddy!) and Josh Duhamel standing in front of the camera talking about the movie like it really happened. They stand there making jokes about the movie. Shouldn't you let the movie speak for itself? It’s weird, and so incredibly awkward. It makes me so uncomfortable for them. Ahh!! this commercial make me uncomfortable! Yet, I still want to see that movie. I’m sure I won’t see it in theaters though, since I rarely go to the cinema anymore. I'll see if i can find the commercial for you.   
I’m taking some time off today and I’m excited about spending some time in the gym.
   
Weekends are better when you don’t have a buttload of homework. Did you know that? It’s true! Proven fact.

     I wish I had more time to read MY books and not school junk. At least my textbooks are starting to get kinda interesting since they’re more major-specific.

    I'm sure i sound completely vapid for writing about nothing but fluff lately. I feel guilty about not talking about anything real or serious. I want to. I do. I have a lot on my heart. I want to share what I’m learning and what’s weighing on me, but I’m long-winded. Brevity is not my friend.
So, I guess I need to just find a huge chunk of time where I can sit down and write everything down, then go back and make sure it’s coherent outside of my head, then go back and try to make it as short as possible. Seriously, who has that much time? *sigh* someday. Someday.

.
oh yeah.....these guys look exactly alike, right??? seriously!  I saw the guy on the left at the gym and creepishly took his photo and on the right, world-renown architect, Ted Mosby! I'm having a hard time getting people to agree that they look similar, but are you kidding me?!?!?

Don't read this!

Creth Davis taught me that "a lot" is two words. He taught me that many, many moons ago.

I wouldn't say that it drives me nuts when people say "alot" but I can't imagine how THAT many people haven't learned that. Also, they're/their and easy stuff like that. How is that confusing??

Not to say that we don't all make mistakes and accidentally type the wrong word, but SO MANY people genuinely have no idea what the difference is.  It doesn't make me crazy, it just makes me feel like a genius!

On the flip side, I suck at capitalization, commas and dangling participles. I need to review my grammar rules. Does it drive people nuts that sometimes I don't bother to capitalize "I"? I could see that making people crazy. i apologize.

In conclusion, ya'll's need to learn to spell goodlier!! geez, America!

Bagels & Schmear

Schmear is such a disgusting word.

Bagels are good though.

Attention Ladies!

For years I have worn Abercrombie's Woods cologne. However, after attempting to purchase a new bottle at the store, I found out they haven't sold it in years. You can purchase it on ebay at $150 for half a bottle. Yes. That's correct. Look it up.

So I need to alert womankind that I will no longer be smelling like a stylish, debonair international businessman whose aroma has captured your heart. Instead, I will be smelling like a classy lumberjack. My new scent is manly, perhaps too manly for some. My fragrance will now remind you of a dashing construction worker wearing a tie. It's gritty and manily, yet reeks of sophistication. 

I have about 1oz. of Woods left, so please bid adieu to the aroma of a swanky playboy who's dressed so exquisitely he might even be a spy. Goodbye to that Jordan, surely all the memories we made in that cologne will be sorely missed.

But please let's take a moment to savor the thought of the new Jordan, who's obscenely sensual scent brings to mind that of an astronaut petting a kitten - genteel and gracious yet appallingly masculine.

Thank you for your time. I apologize that you now have to go about your day with the crippling anticipation of the redolence you will one day encounter.