In the least eloquent way possible, I attempted to tell him that he is such an encouragement to me. That God’s grace shines so brightly through his story that it really moves my heart. And I don’t know his whole story. All I know is that he went from absolute jerk with knowledge of God (because we attended a Christian elementary school) to a dude that loves the Lord and who’s heart belongs to God. It’s hard to thank someone for that. I just wanted to thank him for the Lord’s grace in his life because it’s an inspiration to me. Slightly awkward, and if you know me at all, you can only imagine how much I enhanced that awkwardness. Yeah, i told him that he was a jerk back then and that he scared me so bad because he was so mean. He didn't seem offended. I wasn't trying to be awkward, I was trying to compliment what the Lord had done through Him. it just came out kinda messy.
I’m going to write Pepe and tell him about that, so that He too can marvel in the love of God. He was someone I never thought would be passionate about the Lord. I saw Herrington at Bible study too. He’s not someone that I never thought would be passionate about the Lord, because he was a very kind person in junior high (and seriously, what junior higher is kind?) But it always surprises and encourages me to see people that I knew back then that still love the Lord now.
In fact, it’s almost more amazing than those who just get transformed from a life of total debauchery. There are probably still a lot of people that I knew so long ago from church and school that are still pursuing Christ, but more often than not, it feels like most of those people have kinda given it up, or are nominal Believers and there’s no heart, no passion. So it blows my heart up to see some of these people with an insane passion. People like Matt Cote, who dumb little me had kinda written off by high school. And now he’s a worship leader!
And I don’t know if many people would look at me and say ‘dang, never thought HE’d be passionate about pursuing the Lord!’ But if you knew me then, and knew me now, you might be surprised. In fact, I’m surprised that any of us got through the church world in the 80’s and 90’s with our faith in tact. There wasn’t a lot of passion in people of God. While the message of Grace (not sure why I always capitalize that) may have been taught, the prevailing message to my heart was “do this to please God. Don’t do this to upset God. You don’t want to dishonor God, do you? Then you need to do this, you need to feel this way, you shouldn’t do this”
and that all leads to a very guilty life when you can’t live up to everything, and that completely robs you of joy and freedom. You're still trying to win God's approval, which defeats the purpose of the cross. Being a Christian meant a behavior change, and little else. So, as a punk kid, I was adamant that secular music was bad, drinking-bad, cursing-bad, smoking–bad, and on and on it went. And I wouldn’t associate myself with people who were into those things. Which is the complete opposite of the Gospel, i realize now. And when I would interact with them, all I wanted to do was change how they live. I wanted to change their external actions. I thought that believing in Jesus just meant acting better. I thought it just meant a change in your behavior. And of course, you don’t have to go to hell, so that's a bonus!
And whether the church actually taught these things or not, these were the things I learned and how my heart had heard the Gospel. I was insanely legalistic and judgmental all the while hating people who were legalistic and judgmental. Insanity.
So yeah, if you knew me back then, maybe you would be surprised to know that the church didn’t get the best of me, and that God actually found me and went after my heart, and gave me one that is desperate to know Him. Most people growing up in my situation probably walked away from it all after being taught an incorrect Gospel for so long and thinking that’s all Jesus had to offer.
So, it is the pleasure of my heart to have a pastor who is passionate about serving Christ, who understands grace, who has seen first-hand the damage the church has done, and who can not only explain God’s laws, but explain why they’re for our benefit and for our joy, and why the Law is beautiful and not a burden and not a thing to be feared! (Psalm 19 describes the Law of the Lord as “reviving to the soul” and “sweeter than honey.”) He’s able to convey the love and joy that comes with serving and passionately pursuing a loving, graceful God. And that’s not to say we’re all Grace and no doctrine. Cuz we are hard on doctrine too, and serious about church discipline, which I think most churches aren’t at all. It stirs my heart for Him. That’s all.
Anyway, that’s the joy of my heart this morning.
where is the first half of this entry? anyone? did the interwebs eat it?? how random!
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