Get this out of me!

I was just in the middle of praying and i had this thought and i wanted to stop and write it down so I could re-visit it today. So I'm sorry if this makes no sense to anyone.

Several years ago, i took a "fast" (which basically means I skipped lunch) and went down to the lake to pray. I thought my intentions were holy and pure. Except I for a girl I wanted. HA! yes, and I knew the purpose of "fasting" (if you can even call it that) isn't to get God to give you what you want. I knew that. Yet, in my mind, somehow I had it all justified so that that wouldn't be my intent. But it totally was. I thought (maybe subconsciously) that I would show God how serious I was about this girl by not eating lunch and that He would see that and think "Oh my ME! i had no idea Jordan was THAT serious! dang. I need to bless that dude and give Him what He wants!"
I had convinced myself that that wasn't what i was trying to do. But years later...yeah, it totally was. and that's one of my more embarrassing stories for me personally. and I gets more intense too, where I think I have a promise from God and yada yada...just young, dumb kid thinking.

BUT that leads me to think...what dumb thing am I doing now? It seems we're mostly blind to the ways that we're ignorant or just plain wrong. Obviously, because if we weren't blind to it, we'd see it clearly, laugh at ourselves and change. But it's like every time we outgrow some flawed thinking, we enter into a new failed way of thinking.
So what do I walk into blindness to right now that I'm convinced is completely right? Do I see God wrong? Do I not see my own character flaws and weaknesses?
God has seeeeeeriously been opening my eyes and revealing to me things about myself that i had no idea existed within me. He's revealing the root causes of the things where I've been weak.
Lately, I know that God has been impressing humility upon my heart. Yet, i have just a depraved little heart, that I find sometimes my motivation for walking in humility is rooted in pride! haha! How messed up is that?? And it's kinda great to see how insanely weak and poopy I am because it makes me helpless. I'm completely helpless without Him...and i love that.
So I pray that He reveals more and more to me, because i don't want to walk in blindness. It's scary to think about how some of the things with which I think I'm doing good with or walking in truth could actually be completely incorrect and flawed thinking.
So basically even where I think I'm strong, i'm weak. Even where I think I know things, i know nothing. So I guess that's where my mind will be today. That's where my prayers will be.
He's already shown me over the past several months the outrageous self-righteous, arrogent pride that I walk in for years. That's been an amazing journey! But who knows how deep all this nastiness goes? How deep is God going to clean? it's cool. scary. but freeing!
I'm sure i sound like a total mess. and that's probably because I am! My problem is that I don't fully comprehend WHAT a mess I am! haha! So I'm kinda ok with being a mess because Jesus came for the messy people. Sanctification is a crawl. but it's progress at least. But I never want to not be such a mess that I look at myself with pride. I like being completely and utter dependent. That brokeness comes with an overwhelming joy. man! speaking of joy, do ya think it's too early for ice cream??

thank you. you are the weakest link. goodbye.