Freaky Friday

The thing that I just can't get past when watching Freaky Friday is that when that little girl was stuck in her mom's body, she would've had to use the bathroom using her's mom's lady parts. and that makes me feel SICK. That poor little girl. How vomitacious! That movie should be rated R!! So perverse and sick. That movie disgusts me!

One brief observation....

I always tend to listen extra hard for God to tell me what I want to hear. I'll be tempted to interpret the littlest things to indicate that He's answering me with what I want.

But when He's telling me no, I'll look for any excuse to not believe that what He's actually saying. I'll write it off as nothing if it means that I don't have to hear Him tell me no.

Foolishness. sheesh.

I had a frustratingly cool dream last night. The kind that makes it hard to want to ever wake up. I keep having these stupid, awesome dreams too. argh!! She was cold, yet completely wonderful. mmm!

It can get a little discouraging at some point when you've written a lot of people and no one writes back. I've written about 5 people who just never responded. I was thinking about this over the weekend. A couple years ago it would have really bothered me that they ignored me and there would have definitely been an element of hurt. But now, it doesn't really bother me! I don't really care until it's several people all not responding, and even then it's still only a little discouraging and nothing more. I just feel bad for creeping people out or whatever the problem is. But oh well! I just like to talk to people! I'm sure my friendliness is misinterpreted as something else, but too bad.

My homegroup has been reading When People are Big and God is Small this semester and it's been an incredible experience. It really rips apart my fear of man issues. I think my issue is most visible when it comes to wanting to impress a woman. I honestly don't care what people think of me except for when it comes to a potential lover. (At least, i really don't think i care, but digging through it all is part of the process). But the fact that I care what a woman thinks has helped me realized how highly misguided my motivation can be. I don't feel like that's always my motivation, but that fact that the only person whose opinion I care about would be a potential ladyfriend, shows me how my priorities are a little off-kilter. At the same time though, I think it's good to want to impress a woman and catch her attention. Kinda. ok, so I should probably finish reading the book, huh? Yeah I'm still processing through everything, but I can definitely feel the effect it's had on me.
From an encouraging perspective, it's helped me to realize how free I am from having to give a hoot about living to win anyone's opinion. It has helped me to really love how God has made me. I think my personality has made it easier for me not to live for people's approval. Or perhaps I'm still blind to where I struggle with that.

Sorry, I'll probably end up blogging this more cohesively at some point after I've processed more thoroughly. 


I ate more horribly this weekend than I have in the last millennium. No lie, I'm 7 pounds overweight right now. oh my mercy.

Eli has a really sweet Hurley case for his phone. I had no idea they made those! i love Hurley.

and I love youuuuuuu!

The Christian man in his present state is like a bird in a cage:

His body imprisons his soul.

His spirit, it is true, ranges heaven and earth, and laughs at the limits of matter, space, and time;

but for all of that laughter, the flesh is a poor scabbard unworthy of the glittering soul, a mean cottage unfit for a princely spirit;

this body is a cog, a burden, a fetter.

-Charles H. Spurgeon

all apologies

I almost feel like I need to apologize for my previous blog. I keep thinking about it. It's kinda nagging at me, because I know the focus was off. It was just raw emotion. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't say everything I really wanted to say. It's hard for me to hold stuff when when my heart gets stirred. I'm a pretty passionate fella whether that be good or bad.
 But the reason I feel like I need to apologize was because that it was so self-centered. I have to admit that when emotion clouds my heart, I quickly become the center of my own short-sighted world. I know that's been true of me for the past few day, maybe even the last week. I'm not saying it's wrong to be excited about someone, but it can't supersede your passion and pursuit of Jesus. I get caught up in the excitement and frustration of being interested in someone. There wasn't any Jesus is my last blog and that has bothered me ever since I wrote it.
     So truth is, there's someone I find interesting, and I don't know too much about her, I wish I did because she seems like someone I would like. I was writing in my journal yesterday and came up with another really bad Jordan-analogy, which I will share with you in the interest of being authentic and transparent.

It’s like you’re out walking in the jungle and you discover a giant diamond covered in tar. You can tell that there’s a glorious beauty underneath, yet you can only capture glimpses where the tar has been rubbed off. Wouldn’t you be unfathomably excited to reveal all of the potential beauty and see what it really looks like? Boom! That’s how I feel! I catch tiny glimpses of this young woman, and I’m anxious to discover who she is! I’m like a kid at Christmas who finds a gigantic present under the tree and it’s wrapped really, really nicely and maybe it, like, smells really good too. I have no idea what I'll find in there, but I can tell there’s something absolutely incredible in that present and I’m dying to peel off the layers and get to the heart of the gift.

So there. That's me being real. embarrassing.
But the reason I want to apologize is because I know the emotions have been at the center of my attention, not Jesus. I apologize for being short-sighted and giving them a place in my life that was more exalted than they deserved. I feel like that's been very evident in my last few posts.


I've found that I really like apologizing. Because I hate it. It's awkward and uncomfortable and forces me to humble myself. I like the results of humility, it cleanses my heart and I feel so light & free! Humility isn't always easy, but it's always necessary. If I can apologize for even the smallest thing, I will. It's kinda like getting free college credit, because I learn something very important that slowly changes who I am every time I apologize.


Should I title this blog "It's too late to apologize" in honor of my most-hated song? or "And this is my apology" from one of my favorite songs ever? I can't choose!!!! argh. Ha! I went with Nirvana. I hate Nirvana.


                          RANDOM PHOTO!!!

  
                          That's some hardcore, gangsta vandalism right there. Dang. Where's the po-po when you need them? This is completely unacceptable!! That was a great movie!!

I am not good at being patient in regards to waiting on God, and right now my spirit is restless.

I always get torn between praying and just sitting there waiting for God to make something happen and actually taking a chance and doing something myself. 
I trust that God will open the right doors at the right time. I trust that. I trust Him. I just hate knocking on the doors to see if they'll open. I guess I'm just frustrated, disappointed and impatient with knocking on, apparently, the wrong doors. Should I just be waiting at the end of the hall for a door to open on it's own? wow...I've completely let this metaphor run wild.

Here's something else that tends to keep my spirit restless. I don't understand why God made me this way. It's quite peculiar. If there is such a thing as a natural romantic, you're looking at him. (i hate admitting all this because my pride would like to maintain any shred of a rough, manly exterior) I have this innate desire to want a woman for me to love and protect, pursue and woo, delight and encourage. All my life, I've been waiting for God to let me out of my cage and go nuts pursuing someone with a passion that's never been seen. (I'm wholly inadequate to describe how I feel.) It's like this desire to encourage and serve and make someone feel beautiful only continues to grow and grow. Yet there's no outlet. It's discouraging and frustrating. I want to make someone feel like the most important woman in the world. I want to serve her and I take delight in her. I want to worship Jesus through my love and care for her. I want to lead and serve. I have a thousand romantic ideas that I'm not sure I'll ever get to use.  Yeah, that's pretty fruity, huh? Are all guys like this? I kinda don't think so. It makes me feel kinda girly. vomit. But if this is how God designed me especially...why?? What was the point of that? It's like giving me wings without the ability to fly. It's just a burden. It seems like a cool gift, but really it's just dead weight. 
      suck.
It makes it hard for a guy like me to see someone that intrigues me and not be able to do anything about it. And you can't go up to a woman and say, "Hey...you're interesting. I want to know more about the real you." because they'll think you're hitting on them. No. I'm not hitting on you. I don't like you. I don't even know you! But you seem like someone I could like. I just want to know who you are! I don't want to know the person you appear to be, I want to know you. How do you get to know someone like that without sending them the wrong message?  What if they're someone that you could be interested romantically in OR what if they're someone you know you aren't interested in romantically but you still want to know them, really know them? I mean seriously! How do you handle that?? do you just walk up and say, "Hey I'd really like to know you well. P.S. I might also be interested in you romantically" or "Hey, I'd really like you know you well. I'm just not interested in you romantically at all." 
   My personality likes to know people. And that's tricky in this day and age. Especially when it comes to the opposite gender. I don't want to send the wrong message. I don't want you to think I'm interested romantically when I'm not. Likewise though, I don't want you to think I'm not interested romantically when I am. Then again, how would I even know if I'm interested romantically if i don't really you. Does any of that make sense?
Do you think some people really are who they appear to be on the surface? Do some people really have no depth and are just constantly only in the here and now?
  Lastly, if I were interested in you, you're super lucky because I couldn't possibly BE any sexier! ha! Totally kidding. But I will make you this solemn swear, if you allow me to pursue you, I will promise to always smell good for you. That's a promise you can bank on. It's hard for me to understand...I may not be the best looking dude in the nation of Texas, but I would pursue like a princess. Do women not want that?

ugh. I just hate waiting and not being able to talk to the person/s you want to talk to. I get antsy and anxious, yet there's nothing I can do. I just want to know about you so badly that I can't sit still sometimes!

So there ya go. an embarrassingly honest blog.
ok. Back to my stupid research paper - the history of intelligence testing from 1880 to modern day to the future. woo. stab my eyeballs out, why don't ya.

              BOOM! Random Photo!