all apologies

I almost feel like I need to apologize for my previous blog. I keep thinking about it. It's kinda nagging at me, because I know the focus was off. It was just raw emotion. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't say everything I really wanted to say. It's hard for me to hold stuff when when my heart gets stirred. I'm a pretty passionate fella whether that be good or bad.
 But the reason I feel like I need to apologize was because that it was so self-centered. I have to admit that when emotion clouds my heart, I quickly become the center of my own short-sighted world. I know that's been true of me for the past few day, maybe even the last week. I'm not saying it's wrong to be excited about someone, but it can't supersede your passion and pursuit of Jesus. I get caught up in the excitement and frustration of being interested in someone. There wasn't any Jesus is my last blog and that has bothered me ever since I wrote it.
     So truth is, there's someone I find interesting, and I don't know too much about her, I wish I did because she seems like someone I would like. I was writing in my journal yesterday and came up with another really bad Jordan-analogy, which I will share with you in the interest of being authentic and transparent.

It’s like you’re out walking in the jungle and you discover a giant diamond covered in tar. You can tell that there’s a glorious beauty underneath, yet you can only capture glimpses where the tar has been rubbed off. Wouldn’t you be unfathomably excited to reveal all of the potential beauty and see what it really looks like? Boom! That’s how I feel! I catch tiny glimpses of this young woman, and I’m anxious to discover who she is! I’m like a kid at Christmas who finds a gigantic present under the tree and it’s wrapped really, really nicely and maybe it, like, smells really good too. I have no idea what I'll find in there, but I can tell there’s something absolutely incredible in that present and I’m dying to peel off the layers and get to the heart of the gift.

So there. That's me being real. embarrassing.
But the reason I want to apologize is because I know the emotions have been at the center of my attention, not Jesus. I apologize for being short-sighted and giving them a place in my life that was more exalted than they deserved. I feel like that's been very evident in my last few posts.


I've found that I really like apologizing. Because I hate it. It's awkward and uncomfortable and forces me to humble myself. I like the results of humility, it cleanses my heart and I feel so light & free! Humility isn't always easy, but it's always necessary. If I can apologize for even the smallest thing, I will. It's kinda like getting free college credit, because I learn something very important that slowly changes who I am every time I apologize.


Should I title this blog "It's too late to apologize" in honor of my most-hated song? or "And this is my apology" from one of my favorite songs ever? I can't choose!!!! argh. Ha! I went with Nirvana. I hate Nirvana.


                          RANDOM PHOTO!!!

  
                          That's some hardcore, gangsta vandalism right there. Dang. Where's the po-po when you need them? This is completely unacceptable!! That was a great movie!!