Off-topic

Honestly, I have several thoughts that I’ve been processing this week and I need to write it down and get it organized. So I have decided to think out loud. I swear I'll write something less childish and more heart-y tomorrow!
           
            First of all, I’m wondering how many people have relationships, love, a girl, a guy, etc. playing a huge role in their thinking, even if it’s unconsciously. I think that whole topic probably plays a huge role in people’s lives and we don’t even realize. It's not something people talk about casually. Especially guys. If romance and relationships are close to a man's heart and on their mind a lot, they tend to hide it. If you hung out with me for a day, I'm not sure you'd ever suspect that my heart is longing to romance a woman. That's such a personal desire, but I wonder how many people deeply yearn for those same thing?
How often does the pursuit of romance play a role in people’s true motivation? It’s an interesting thought. I’m always surprised when someone reveals something about themselves that exposes how important or even how consuming the idea of a relationship is to them. I shouldn’t be surprised, but a lot of people hide that yearning really, really well. I’d probably have to include myself in that category as well. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but not my heart. I have no idea if that will make sense to ya’ll. Maybe if you know me it’ll translate.
            So considering that’s something that’s on a lot of people heart constantly, does that make is harder to trust people? You don’t know what people’s motivation might be, you don’t know if they’re trying to win your affection or if they’re just using you to get closer to someone else. It’s messed-up. (I tend to just trust people, so I don’t struggle with this so much, but I have seen the effects of this mindset on some of my friendships.)
It drives me crazy that when we like someone, we play games, subtly hint at our underlying emotions and try to win their affection without telling them how we feel.
How many times have I wanted to just sit down with someone and tell them all the things I admire about them? Even if they don’t share your feelings, to still be able to expound on the thousand amazing qualities you see in them has got to be the most freeing feeling ever!
            As Christian brothers, one of our roles is guardian of my sisters’ hearts, so we have to very careful in how we approach them, so as not to play games, or worse, damage their hearts.  That’s not something to take lightly. Our primary intention is to bring glory to God, and in this situation we do that by deeply, deeply valuing her heart.
            Whoa…I’m waaay off-topic from what I started out to write about! But basically what I was just trying to express is my hatred of selfish attraction. Pursuing someone isn’t a game or entertainment. I don’t understand how people can flirt or like someone that they wouldn’t want to seriously pursue. Don’t waste her time, don’t play her heart. I see it all the times and it makes me want to puke. If you like her then for pete’s sake, just tell her! But of course, only if that’s in the best interest of her heart and only if you’re serious about pursuing her. If everyone would just be honest, it would sure help us trust one another. Compliments wouldn’t be taken the wrong way and contemplated for deeper (and untended) meanings. People wouldn’t question your motives. That would be nice.

This is long. And lame. I feel it’s more out of my brain than my heart. Should I continue? Cuz this would be ridiculously long! Or should I just write and post the rest later? Hmm…I think that’s what I’ll do.

Here's some pictures to make up for the utter craptacity of this post.

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A family photo from thanksgivin'

A random after-church Panda picture! go panda go panda go panda go!

. I'm thinking about maybe living here.   ...in Heaven. cuz I'd never waste this kinda money on Earth, even though that view pretty much forces you to worship.

That picture of Coach Z below is really distracting me! All I can think about is "Coach Z and Peacey P cold rappity rap!"  "that man just ordered breakfast in the middle of my rap song!" "It's gonna rocket straight to the bottom of the BET charts!" hahaha! I don't know why he makes me laugh SO hard! it's ridiculous.
There's a greater than zero chance that I'm retarded.

a bunch of nothin'

Just a bumch of random things bounching around my head, so bear with me. First of all, yes, I just said “bumch” and “bounching”. It’s 7am and I can barely see my keyboard, but those misspellings are making me laugh, so I’m not changing them.
     I don’t understand all these gamers. I guess I’ve been thinking about that briefly this week because I rented the movie “Gamer” this week (which, after receiving, I realized that I have zero interest in watching because it looks seriously dumb, so I sent it back unwatched.) It also seem like dudes are talking more and more about vidya games on facebook. I’m almost proud of myself for figuring out that COD means Call of Duty and not “cash on delivery” as we’re familiar with from all those delightful infomercials.
     I’ve never been much of a gamer. Life is short and we’re accountable for how we use our time, so I’m just uncomfortable using my time like that. Plus, I just don’t think it’s that much fun. The only time I play vidya games is when people are over. It doesn’t seem like such a waste of time if you’re spending time with people. Even still, we never play shooty games. It’s all Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly, Risk or Mario. Love that little fellow! Oooh…and I did download the Strongbad game to the wii this week, so I’m waiting for someone to come over and play it with me.
     This brings me to my next point. I love Coach Z. Is there anyone funnier than him? Don’t get me wrong, Strongbad and Homestar and Bubs are all hilarious, but give me Coach Z any day! His voice, that yankee accent, and the hilarious way that he phrases things kill me! So I think it’s important that you understand that I love Coach Z. He’s terribly important to me.

     Next, these commercials for When in Rome are terrible…they have Kristen Bell (birthday buddy!) and Josh Duhamel standing in front of the camera talking about the movie like it really happened. They stand there making jokes about the movie. Shouldn't you let the movie speak for itself? It’s weird, and so incredibly awkward. It makes me so uncomfortable for them. Ahh!! this commercial make me uncomfortable! Yet, I still want to see that movie. I’m sure I won’t see it in theaters though, since I rarely go to the cinema anymore. I'll see if i can find the commercial for you.   
I’m taking some time off today and I’m excited about spending some time in the gym.
   
Weekends are better when you don’t have a buttload of homework. Did you know that? It’s true! Proven fact.

     I wish I had more time to read MY books and not school junk. At least my textbooks are starting to get kinda interesting since they’re more major-specific.

    I'm sure i sound completely vapid for writing about nothing but fluff lately. I feel guilty about not talking about anything real or serious. I want to. I do. I have a lot on my heart. I want to share what I’m learning and what’s weighing on me, but I’m long-winded. Brevity is not my friend.
So, I guess I need to just find a huge chunk of time where I can sit down and write everything down, then go back and make sure it’s coherent outside of my head, then go back and try to make it as short as possible. Seriously, who has that much time? *sigh* someday. Someday.

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oh yeah.....these guys look exactly alike, right??? seriously!  I saw the guy on the left at the gym and creepishly took his photo and on the right, world-renown architect, Ted Mosby! I'm having a hard time getting people to agree that they look similar, but are you kidding me?!?!?

Don't read this!

Creth Davis taught me that "a lot" is two words. He taught me that many, many moons ago.

I wouldn't say that it drives me nuts when people say "alot" but I can't imagine how THAT many people haven't learned that. Also, they're/their and easy stuff like that. How is that confusing??

Not to say that we don't all make mistakes and accidentally type the wrong word, but SO MANY people genuinely have no idea what the difference is.  It doesn't make me crazy, it just makes me feel like a genius!

On the flip side, I suck at capitalization, commas and dangling participles. I need to review my grammar rules. Does it drive people nuts that sometimes I don't bother to capitalize "I"? I could see that making people crazy. i apologize.

In conclusion, ya'll's need to learn to spell goodlier!! geez, America!

Bagels & Schmear

Schmear is such a disgusting word.

Bagels are good though.

Attention Ladies!

For years I have worn Abercrombie's Woods cologne. However, after attempting to purchase a new bottle at the store, I found out they haven't sold it in years. You can purchase it on ebay at $150 for half a bottle. Yes. That's correct. Look it up.

So I need to alert womankind that I will no longer be smelling like a stylish, debonair international businessman whose aroma has captured your heart. Instead, I will be smelling like a classy lumberjack. My new scent is manly, perhaps too manly for some. My fragrance will now remind you of a dashing construction worker wearing a tie. It's gritty and manily, yet reeks of sophistication. 

I have about 1oz. of Woods left, so please bid adieu to the aroma of a swanky playboy who's dressed so exquisitely he might even be a spy. Goodbye to that Jordan, surely all the memories we made in that cologne will be sorely missed.

But please let's take a moment to savor the thought of the new Jordan, who's obscenely sensual scent brings to mind that of an astronaut petting a kitten - genteel and gracious yet appallingly masculine.

Thank you for your time. I apologize that you now have to go about your day with the crippling anticipation of the redolence you will one day encounter.

Matt Chandler Quote: Brilliant

“The Holy Spirit uses Driscoll in a lot of ways. Driscoll can tell you that you are stupid on a Sunday morning and everyone will say, 'yes I am, how can I be saved?' But, if you try and be Mark, instead of who God has called you to be, you are going to look like a bunch of jackasses!”

(Matt Chandler - quote from the Contend Earnestly Blog, which is also awesome)

Love has come down, Grace has a name.

We sang my favorite song on Sunday. "You are the Light" ohmysweemercy! I listen to that song nearly every morning and still it continues to slap me across the face. Love it. AND not only did we sing that, but it was Bleekerized and at the end of "You are the Light, he went straight into "Hosanna", but not the blechy parts, the GOOD part!! You know, the "Heal my heart and make it clean..." part! I rarely listen to "Hosanna" on my phone because it's sooo long and the only part of that song that I even like is that verse, but I really LOVE that verse, it always makes me cry.  So he blended "You are the Light" and the good part of "Hosanna" and my soul exploded all over the place. Such a wonderful Sunday. WONDERFUL!
 And Matt's sermon was spot-on and I don't know why, but I teetered on springing a leak the whole time. I'm lame like that. He just makes me love Jesus so much. Doesn't take much to make me cry the happy tears. (Ironically, it takes a lot for me to cry sad tears.)
        I would also like to say that I was at that Michael W. Smith/dc talk concert that Matt talked about attending back in the good ole days, but instead of thinking it was lame, I thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen in my entire life and it launched a disturbingly unhealthy obsession with dc Talk. I remember that concert. It was at Reunion Arena. It was the first time I saw dc talk. It was after Nu Thang came out. Man they were so radical! I remember them saying something about D-boy Rodriguez, who was a Christian rapper who'd been killed in Dallas recently. I was a little tiny kid, but I remember this concert clearlyish.
        Another thing Matt mentioned is how ridiculous the "Preach the Gospel always. If necessary, use words" quote is. I was glad to hear him say that because I've always had problems with that saying, yet it's practically been canonized by the Christian world.
It was really great to hear more of Matt's story too. I've heard most of it several times. I feel like I know Jeff Fairclaw personally. Ha! But Matt opened up and filled in some small gaps, so that was awesome.
It was just great. It was an amazing sermon, and an amazing Sunday.

I have the whole week off from school. Why? Because of MLK day, I think. nice!

On the way home (before we stopped at Panda Express of course!) Joel was looking through this new book that I bought to keep in my car. It's called The Conversation Piece and it's filled with intriguing questions like "What is one thing you wish had never been invented?" and "If you had the opportunity to walk through one celebrity's house, who would it be?"
So he's flipping through it and reading the questions to himself and he finally turned to me said, "Where are the answers??"  Hahahaha!! I hope he was kidding, but he looked so serious that I don't think he was.
That little fella never ceases to make me laugh!


I feel like I have a lot more inside of me that is dying to get out, but I don't know what it is, and this post is long enough, so I'll just leave you in peace. [smiley face, ya'll]

Here's a random picture of Matt standing next to the radiation machine. He's completely bald now. It works. He has the most awesome scar I've ever seen. I'm almost jealous.

Days like today remind me of how truly weak I am and how I don't know crap about anything. It's one of I'll-never-fully-understand-myself days and I have to throw myself on the mercy of the cross because I can see my patheticness oozing out of me.

Any human would think I'm insane and wouldn't understand. Including myself.

But thank God that He loves and loves and loves. Thank God it's about Him and not me. Thank God nothing is dependent on me and my strength. Ha!




Here's our family's Christmas card this year.
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Church & Truth

I went to some church yesterday to hear J.I. Packer.  Yeah I have no idea what church it was. Hillcrest something or something. It was an Anglican church, which was very interesting to me.

I'm kinda weird. hahaha..."kinda". No, I'm full-blown weird. Stained glass gives me the heebie jeebies like none other. I think it's because it reminds me of old time religion, which also gives me to heeber jeebers. I don't like being reminded of the churches I grew up in and visited when I was younger. Back then there so little heart in church. So many rules and lessons and stories, but so little heart. Anything that jogs my mind of old timey church makes my skin crawl.
 This was a very liturgical church, kinda similar to a Catholic church in many ways, except I really do believe they had good theology. OH! they had an organ! Doesn't that send chills down your spine?? Stained glass AND an organ!! Why on earth did the American church insist for so long that the organ was God's chosen instrument?  I mean really??? The organ has been culturally irrelevant for decades, if not centuries! Yet we clung to that old pipe demon like it was Jesus Himself. yuck. I don't like those things. (and I didn't like how there was no reason or explanation for why things were a certain way in church. "that's just the way it's always been done!")  
   anyway, there was kneeling and standing and corporate response frequently. It was fine, just different. I had to guard my heart from looking down on them or assuming that they believed a lesser Gospel than I simply because they're a little different and perhaps a little more home-schooly. These are my brothers and sisters. It was an interesting experience. I missed Matt, Bleeker and my Village family.
  
During the meet and greet portion (wow, haven't had to partake in one of those in a long time!) I met the girl in front of me, who was maybe my age. eh. I don't know. I'm terrible at judging ages. She wasn't in junior high, I know that much for certain. Anyway, I was talking to her, and she was a visitor from Believer's Bible Chapel just down the road. She asked where I go to church and I said "The Village" and she perked up "Oh my whole church is praying for Matt Chandler!" I thanked her for that, and we talked about JI Packer and John Piper.

I never ceased to be absolutely ASTONISHED at how deep his influence runs. It seems like everyone knows and adores Matt. I know how much God has used him in my life, but it's incredible to see that God has used him so much in other people's lives as well. Why Matt? My parent's pastor has cancer too, yet no one knows him or mentions him. They go to a larger church than mine! It's odd to me. But that little experience in church washed my heart in gratitude for everything God has done in me, and through Matt and through our church.

As I was talking to the girl, I looked ahead a few rows and there was a guy I know from The Village! How dang random is that???? There were maybe a hundred people in that church yesterday. The Village is huge, like 4000 people maybe? I only know a handful of people there, a minuscule percentage, yet there just so happened to one of the people I know at this little church. There was no point to that story, I just thought it was funny.

I enjoyed JI Packer. He's old. He's no Piper, in MY opinion. And my opinion is probably retarded. I was thinking about all the speakers I've gotten to hear. Who's left now? I've seen all my favorites...Matt Chandler, Mark Driscoll, Francis Chan, John Piper, JI Packer, Alister Begg, James McDonald, Brennan Manning.....who's left? I've seen them all. I'd be kinda proud about that, except I know that puts a responsibility on me. I've heard SO much truth, I KNOW so much truth. I know that I will be held accountable for what I've done and what I do with the truth that He has given to me. There's a weight to that. There's so much joy in the truth He's allowed me to hear and know, but there's a weight to it as well.

Yeah, really was pretty much a pointless post. I was just thinking through yesterday and decided to write to down. I didn't really get to share any heart vomit with you. But I guess that's okay.

olden times

So i found this the other day. Apparently I wrote it while Creth and Clint were at my house! hahaha....i was such a loser. why didn't somebody tell me??

3-8-99

I woke up to the thunder. That is really nice. Actually makes you want to get up. I love rainy weather. But then u heard small children's voices. I thought I'd imagined it, but Patrick and Kelsey were here. I kind of helped entertain them. Later, I went to Funcoland and got 3 games. Creth called when I got back and wanted me to go over there. I went. We played 2 rounds of Blitz. Then we sat and talked to his brother for an hour about what he should preach on for disciple now. That was interesting. His brother is a good role model. Jill and Shelly had decided they wanted to go to Souper Salads earlier, so we came back here and me and Creth and Clint and Al and Jessica and Lauren went. I didn't think anyone would be working that I knew. But, Katy and Abby were there. I talked briefly with Katy. I felt weird, because it wasn't actually my idea to go there! I don't know what they thought. I made sure to leave Katy a nice tip. Then we all came here. Al and Creth and Clint went to Hollywood, while me and Lauren and Jessica watch some of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead. Jess left. They came back with Half Baked. I told them i wouldn't watch it, but told them they could. We ended up watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit in the garage. Natalie and Olivia came over. Creth and Clint are spending the night, because we were going to roll Paul. The hard part may be getting rid of them tomorrow. I need to clean my room before Renee gets home. Also, she gets home tomorrow (finally!!) I'll be wanting to talk to her or spend some time with her without them around. Anyway, it was nice to see Katy today. I wish we were better friends. I also want Autumn to come back!! But Renee gets home tomorrow!!
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This was in Florida

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