Welcome back!

It's been so long, it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to start a new post! It's been a long time since I worked in IT, and in the intervening years, my grasp of technology has slipped. I rarely even use a laptop anymore...or even a computer.
Welcome back! To me, to you, to friends old and new! Since my last blog was about my amazing new Aggie shoes, and those shoes have long since been discarded, I figured it was time for something new. I do wish Adidas still made those sweet shoes though. Man. They really were blog worthy!
       My life is going through a sweeping array of changes all at once. Good changes? Bad changes? That remains to be seen. I've never done well with change, or at least I've never embraced it like I should. This period in my life would normally be causing anxiety and panic, but instead, I just have peace. I'm calm. I'm not worried. I don't know what's going to happen in any of these transitions. I don't know where any of them lead me. I just know that He is good and He loves me. My heart finds rest and comfort in His leading. I could end up single and homeless for the rest of my life, but I know He has a plan and He's going to use me where He leads me, and all I want is to know Him and for Him to use me. I'm not sure what else I have to say, I guess I just wanted to express my gratitiude for His pervasive peace. It's a blessing and a gift that I didn't realized I needed to be asking Him for, yet He still provided. So, thank You.
        I have extra time this morning, so I thought I would blog. I almost hope no one is reading this. I journal on the regular, but I haven't written anything public in years, besides my insipid tweets. Writing is necessary for me, almost like it's hardwired into my DNA. It's kinda the only way for me to be healthy. Or at least, I'm healthiest when I'm writing.
      I just felt thankful this morning and I want to cultivate a greater heart of gratitude, so I figured I'd just list or talk about things I'm thankful for. Most of these won't make sense to anyone, but that's ok. It stirs my heart to think on His blessing in my life. (Just excuse my juvenile writing, I'm no Judy Bloom.)

I'm thankful for when my AC works in my car.
I'm thankful for when my AC doesn't turn on, and I have to roll my windows down and the breeze blows through me. That warm wind is sometimes better than AC. I love when the wind blows smells through the car. There were a couple days last week when He blew me some of the most delicious smells. I can't even remember where I was or what they were, I just remember being so happy and thankful. Likewise, when I walked into church on sunday, I entered by the church offices, and a beautiful smell of long ago powerfully stirred my memory and I stopped in my tracks and smiled and tried to remember what it reminded me of and why it made me so happy. I'm still not sure. I know they recently got new carpet, so maybe it was a memory or doing real estate appraisals? I'm not sure, but it was awesome.
I'm thankful that He wakes me up at 4am every day without an alarm and that I get to spend the morning alone. I'm thankful for routine. I'm thankful that He's given me a good routine that breathes life into me every morning. I love being awake before everyone, I love being up before the sun. I love listening to the classical music station on Sirius while prepare all my food, I love listening to audiobooks and podcasts that teach me about The Bible or theology or how to love people better. I love seeing all the same faces at the gym every day. I don't know why that makes me so happy. It's a happy, silent little community of early-risers and hard workers. I hope that some day I run into one of them outside the gym. I love that it's dark when I go in the gym, and that the sun is blowing up the sky when I come out. I love being sweaty and exhausted and getting to come here, to the store, and quieting my heart and spending time with Him in the silence. I'm so thankful that He gives me so much time alone each more to be silent, organize my thoughts, and prepare my heart for the day. Mornings are my favorite!
I'm thankful for the time I went to the very last Five Iron Frenzy show in Denver. The band had meant so much to me, and it was an awesome road trip up there with Pepe to see them. It had recently snowed and it was a wonderland. The roads were scary as balls. I'm thankful for the memory of singing "Every New Day" with thousands of other fans, and singing Amazing Grace acapella with everyone, and then as it just started to snow outside, we all sang Silent Night. I'm thankful that it's recorded on the album so I can relive it. I was crying like a little baby that night. I'm thankful that I had gotten separated from Jared. I'm thankful that I got to see Nick and Rebecca at that concert too! How cool is that? I'm really thankful for "Every New Day". I'm thankful for "Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end. Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours, Only You can make every new day seem so new." I want to get some kind of tattoo around this song. This song has ministered to me for SO many years.
   I'm thankful that the Lord has let me Shepard His store for so many years now.
I'm thankful for Lily and her life and energy and what an inspiration she is to me.
   I'm thankful for the nights when I can fall asleep with the sound of Eric Nadel calling the Ranger game softly from the phone under my pillow.
 I'm thankful for that insane thunderstorm last night! That was AWESOME! I mean, in the real literal sense of that word. That thunder was ballin' off the chain! That was incredible! Although, I would've enjoyed it so much more if I hadn't had to keep running out into the rain to turn my car alarm off.
I'm thankful for the happiness and excitement of picking out a new book to read or listen to! I get so excited that I want to get through books FAST so I can get to the next one, and the next one, and the next, because they all look so good and interesting!
   I'm so thankful for silence and time to myself. I may keep repeating that one, because it blows up my heart with gratitude.
 I'm thankful for old movies and their romance and innocence and simplicity.
 I'm thankful for compressed air (yes I'm looking around the room now) because it's really fun to play with, and a super helpful tool. Also, how do they even get the air in the can??
 I'm thankful that this world isn't everything and that I don't have to hang my hopes and dreams on this world. It allows for more freedom and joy. My life has never followed a traditional path at all, so I'm sure extra thankful that my hope is in Him and in eternity and not in chasing this ole stuff here.
I'm thankful for old, thin t-shirts that are soft as butter.
I'm thankful for the joy of showering someone in gifts.
I'm thankful for all the different variety of smelly hand sanitizers! I guess the sense of smell is my favorite sense. That seems crazy because it's the least practical, but perhaps the most joyous. Like, doesn't your heart just unfurl and blossom when you smell certain things?
I'm thankful that Ty facetimes me so often. I'm thankful for the relationship He's given us. I could never express how much I love that little boy. I tear up thinking about him.
    I'm thankful for the 7:15 service and how sparse and intimate it is. It's like a little family reunion each week.
I'm thankful for the feeling of putting my warm foot in my cool shoe each morning and lacing it up.
I'm so thankful that Robert comes to church with us every week now. That makes my heart feel warm and happy, even though I'm usually exhausted by that point in the day. (9pm can be pretty late when you get up at 4am)
I'm so thankful for the way He's guided me and guided this store and shown us how to run this thing, how to grow this thing, how to be a blessing to my employees and community. He's taught us gently every step of the way. I didn't realize how entirely ignorant I was when we opened this place, but He has been kind.
        I'm thankful for how much the guys in Switchfoot love the Lord and how solid their theology is. Seems like every week, I learn something new that reminds me of an old Switchfoot song. I haven't listened to any of their new albums for the past 5 years or so, but maybe I should.
I'm thankful for the happy rush I used to feel whenever I'd go into CD Warehouse or CD Source and pick out and sample new music.
       I'm thankful for that day at The Living Vine out in Irving, when, for some reason, I put MxPx's Teenage Politics cassette into the tape player and hit play. It was like fireworks in my brain, I had never heard anything so fun and melodic! That was the first time I'd heard punk rock. I began to move further away from Michael W Smith, and closer to MxPx, Plankeye, Audio Adrenaline, and other Christian rock. The same thing happened when I first heard the Supertones and experienced ska. It was music that I was SO happy about, I literally wanted to hug it and crawl inside it! I'm also thankful for the Supertones, because the older I get, the more I realize how fantastic their theology and lyrics really were.
      I'm so thankful that He led me to The Village so long ago. I miss those Saturday nights driving up to Highland Village by myself. I love that tiny church building and the intimacy it fostered. I'm thankful for "Rhythms" and how that sermon changed my life. I wish it was still available. I must've listened to it 12 times, but you can't find it on the church site anymore. I'm grateful for the sermon Matt preached around Christmas time one year about shadows. That changed me too.
I'm thankful for the long, slow, scenic route to maturity that He's taken me on. I'm stubborn, strong-willed kid, and I'm thankful for His kindness and Grace in dragging me into Godliness.
       I'm thankful for Texas and that I was born here and that I get to live here. Texas is more than enough for me. I love incredibly diverse it is, and how you could spend years exploring it and never see it all. I love that Texas feels like mine, like a close friend. It's a close friend that I want to keep getting to know better, as each aspect of it's diversity is so marvelous!
     I'm thankful for USDA Prime steak cooked Medium or medium-rare.
   I'm thankful for the feeling of laying down in bed after a long day of working as hard as I possibly can. All the tension and stress and sweat of the day is gone and I can melt into nothingness. My whole body finally relaxes, as if to sigh and thank me for letting it rest.
   I'm thankful for when my phone autocorrects to something insane that I'd forgotten that I'd programmed in years ago.
 
ok bye.

My Adidas

I've owned my current shoes for only about 3 months. You've never seen a thinner sole. They're super beat up. Granted, they were a low quality shoe to begin with. But with as much as I'm on my feet, it just doesn't work. My feet ache so bad at the end of the day. Last week I had a shard of glass poking through the sole of my shoe, ripping a hole in my sock and cutting my foot.

I've ordered new Adidas shoes. I did research and read all the reviews. They're supposed to be the best running shoes in existence. I can't WAIT to finally get them! They should be here in another 4-5 weeks. I customized them so they're Aggie shoes. Black & White with some Maroon and an aTm tag on the laces. 

I love Adidas. I wore Adidas Sambas from junior high throughout high school. I love the simple black and white, white with black stripes, the ones I like wear when I rock the mic. 

I can't wait for them to come. Apparently I have a pretty gnarly heel strike. I hope it's ok that I wear them all day and not just for running. I've never paid this much for shoes before. It's a weird feeling. But I'm excited! "Me and my Adidas do the illest things, we like to stomp out pimps with diamond rings. We slay all suckers who perpetrate, and lay down law from state to state. We travel on the gravel, dirt road or street. I wear my Adidas when I rock the beat."

Heart Still Beats

The thought it comes to my mind, to somehow intervene
But it could bring me trouble, and what can I do anyway?
It's hard to be effective when it happens so often
To see a life unraveling, through drawn venetian blinds
I'm sickened by compassion, I'm stifled by my limitations
Anesthetic apathy, come take the pain away 

Oh God, we need You here. 
We're sinking fast and we don't care
The evidence is all around me, on both sides of my door.
Our hearts beat. 

Mr. Chin

Today has gone shockingly better than expected. I immediately want to take back that sentence because I think I way oversold that. What I meant to say is, Today's been reasonably better than I would have thought.

I was up late (for me) last night (10pm) packing up 60+ ebay items, and I had a storage auction at 8:30 this morning, so I planned to just sleep in and skip the gym. But when I woke up this morning, I saw that the auction was moved to tomorrow! That in itself was a blessing because today is full. (I have a Dr. appointment, a trip to the post office, a meeting with an accountant about the store, more ebay packaging & of course, work.) So having one less thing to squeeze in was a blessing!
 So I decided to go to the gym after all.

Mr. Chin (I call him that in my head because he has a crazy chin) came up to me while I was working out and said, "Hey, I just wanted to say I see you in here every day, and I noticed you've really made some huge improvements! Is is just the dedication and keeping a log of your workouts or is it your diet or what is it?"
I laughed and said it certainly isn't the diet, that if anything, I need to do more cardio.
 He said that he sees me all the time and it must be my dedication. I told him that I was in the gym probably 6 days a week, but I dont think I'm making any gains, if anything I'm just maintaining.
 Then we talked about how it's pretty much impossible for us to see progress because we see ourselves every day and can't tell any change at all. He says that his wife (yeah this guy is straight! finally!) has to tell him that he's making gains because he can't tell either. He said that we have to hear it from other people, so he just wanted to come over and tell me that he definitely sees progress in me!

I know I don't see progress, and I don't think I've made the gains he's claiming he sees. I think it mighta just been the shirt I was wearing (We Bleed Maroon. Whoop!)  But it was still an encouraging moment for me. A blessing.
I love Mr. Chin, and I do see him in there every morning. He's the kinda guy I'd like to be someday, if i ever get to be that old. Mid 40's. (oh and he also told me that I'm still just a kid, which was also nice to hear!) He's always talking to people. He knows everyone.
He's talked to me one other time before, when we were laughing about my tuxedo tshirt, but I've always secretly wished he'd be my friend.
I know that Dave Penny has a rep for being "the mayor of the gym" (but not on Foursquare, cuz that's me!) but Mr. Chin definitely has him beat! Friendliest guy ever. I wish I were that bold and friendly.
But I think as Christians we should just absorb and engage everyone around us, and that's what Mr. Chin does. He's always been a good encouragement and example of what we as Christians should look like in the world, people magnets. I doubt he's a Believer, but he's different. He's how I strive to be.  So when I went to the post office afterward, I talked to Janet (my favorite postal worker) the entire time and engaged her as much as possible.

I know I don't share many personal stories with you, but that just made my day and encouraged the snot outta me, so I wanted to tell ya.

Maybe someday

Maybe someday I'll finally get some more piercings. Some people love tattoos, I kinda love piercings. Nothing below the neck, cuz that's disgusting. what's wrong with you?
Since junior high I've wanted an eyebrow ring. I like the way they look. I know everyone else would completely disagree, but screw you, I like it! haha...I'm kidding! Don't screw you. Unless you're married. Then go ahead and knock yourself out!
But I think I'd also like a lip ring.
I want a lip ring on the right side of my lower lip and an eyebrow ring on the end of my left eyebrow. I'd have to finally figure out how to do my hair to match my piercings. I'd probably need longer hair, but I absolutely can't make that work.
I'm probably more likely to get rid of one of my piercing than to add more, but ya never know!
Maybe someday.

Also since junior high I've wanted to be in a band. Fine, a SKA band. Ya know, the kind of band that doesn't make any money anymore. But I'd be a really sucky musician because I would hate promoting myself. Humility and self promotion make my brain short-circuit. I know it's not wrong, I just can't make my brain reconcile the two. I see musician friends on facebook and twitter constantly talking about themselves and their music and how great it is. That's so not me. But I mean, good for you, musicians! You're good at doing at least 2 things that I can't do well!

I love being awake before the rest of the world. Makes me feel like I'm a king. Everyone's asleep, I'm awake, therefore I own the world. Sometimes I feel like Batman. I want to perch on the edge of a tall building and watch the city and make sure it's safe, sound and slumbering.
I don't understand how people spend their quiet time at any other time than the morning. It just doesn't make sense to me. The morning is when your soul is awake and hungry!