You ever feel like you take 1 step forward and 2 steps back?



ugh.


.

Friends of God

Today i ate like a raccoon. I was a naughty eater.

here's the unhealthiest of what i ate today:
Giant chocolate chip muffin that left grease stains on the napkins it was sitting on (while it was still in the wrapper!)
Corny Dog
Cherry Limeade Shake
Mozzarella Sticks
Frito chili cheese wrap
Bundt cake

Yeah. i didn't go to the gym. So at 8pm i decide i needed to go to the gym. and that ended up being the most fun thing I did all week!
It was a slice of Heaven for me. You have the fact that I simply love being at the gym (which i'll probably write a whole blog about at some point)It's a sanctuary for me.
But not only that, I did the most wonderful cardio, which admittedly is my weak area. I call it the wussy bikes. They're lousy cardio...unless you're gonna spend a long time doing it. and i did. Seriously, it was bliss! I sat there and biked while I listened to the Ranger game on my phone while I also watched it on the tv in front of me. And at the same time, I read Vintage Jesus. I did that for 80 minutes. i supposedly burned 460 calories and biked 16.5 miles. But i was nowhere near exhausted, so I'm not sure how much I believe those numbers.
But it was a perfect evening for me. and there were only 4 people in the gym! I kinda miss all the hustle and bustle, yet...it's kinda nice.

And I love Vintage Jesus. It's PERFECT to read at the gym because it's mostly head knowledge, which i need and enjoy. But it's head knowledge that you can walk away from, think about and let settle into your heart.
I'm also reading How People Change at home. I'm also LOVING that book! But it's more heart knowledge-y book. I have to read it slowly because I don't want to miss the beautiful truths and revelations. I have to absorb it more slowly. So it's not a book I can read just anywhere.

I have several book I'm hoping to read this summer. It's wonderful to read. hahahaha!! I need more reading buddies. although...that makes it really tempting to talk about the awesome things you're learning.

I watched an interesting Documentary last night. I always watch the docs about Christians and Christianity, even that Bill Maher one. But this one was different than the several others that I've seen this year.
It was done by Alexandra Pelosi (who I'd have to assume is somehow related to Nancy. I should probably google that. ok. just did. yeah, she's her daughter). And even though Alexandra is an atheist herself, she didn't really say anything demeaning towards us. In fact, there was very little narration, and she really didn't even let her own viewpoint be known.
(Though, you could kinda tell what she thinks through the way it was edited.)
But the thing that really caught me is that she didn't HAVE to say anything to bash Christianity.
She let us hang ourselves. She asked questions and let people answer.

We seriously sound like morons.

Shoot, most of us probably are. The terminology we use is so exclusive, dated and just lame. and we don't know what we believe or why. we all just believe what we're told.

I guess the main thing that was evident is the way we tend to make every issue and "us vs. them" thing. We separate ourselves. We're kinda pious. Even though most of us are really quite nice people, we wanna fight everything and change everyone's view.
We want to change everyone's actions. As if that really matters! is that what we're taught in church?? Have you ever READ a Bible? Christ wants our hearts! Quit yelling at the gays, quit boycotting movies and picketing abortion clinics. Quit slapping stickers on our cars telling people to get saved. We look silly. we look stupid! and I can't see the love...I can't envision Jesus doing those things.
I'm looking at all the silly bumper stickers and billboards we toss up trying to get people to turn or burn and it makes me cringe. More than anything it gives off the message of "YOURE a sinner, come to our side, be like us, live like us" You suck, we rule.
Kinda makes me want to vomit.

And I'm one to talk because I used to be SO hardcore political. Oh man, i cared about that stuff WAY too much and it'd get me really fired up. But I finally got to the point where I just had to stop. I quit it all. I stopped listening to political talk, stopped reading it, stopped watching it. Because it's all just fighting. We're all fighting for our way of life and our opinions and trying to convince the other side of our beliefs. And that's probably good to stand firm for what you believe. yeah, it is. If you keep a sane, rational head. It's good to fight for your beliefs. But as Christians, I think our time might be better spent not always fighting and drawing lines in the sand and separating ourselves and making it an us-vs-you issue.

Not that it's ALL our fault, because, in America, if you have an opinion contrary to someone else's you're a bigot, sexist, racist, etc.
So yeah, we DO need to stand firm in what we believe. But why does that mean we can't love the other side? Why do we have to push them away? Why do we have to draw battle lines? hahaha...i think i probably sound like i've been reading Shane Claiborne, but i swear i haven't! (I think he has good intentions, but kinda tends to stray from the Word.)

This is just stuff I notice every time I seen our Family on tv or in documentaries. Where are the all the pastors that preach truth and get the HEART of matters? man. I feel so blessed to be at the church i'm at. It's changed the way I see the world. It's changed how my heart thinks.

And i'm excited about church this weekend because i haven't been able to go in quite a while AND i'm pretty danged sure Matt is actually gonna be there too! So i'm seriously looking forward to that.


I'm sorry....i know none of this made no sense, and i had no intentions of even writing about any of this, but it just kinda came out of me. sorry. and i double apologize because it was sloppy, poorly-worded and ill-conceived. yeah, so i hope you didn't read this. if you did....man, sucks for you.

Scattershooting

First and foremost, I would like to take this chance to NOT complain about the weather. it's quite nice.

Secondly, Kelly Clarkson just gets better and better, right? I mean the new album is incredible, her best yet! Several of the songs will straight of melt your ear holes! so awesome. AND not only that, but she's been taking a lot of crap from the media lately. I guess she looked big on AI and people thought she was preggers. but no, my woman was like "i'm not pregnant, i'm a big woman now. you can deal with it because i like me and i think i look fine. i look normal. so if you think i'm fat, i reeeeeeally don't care. kiss my butt" that's a paraphrase, but the same general idea. She's awesome and she looks GOOD! so good job, Kelly! you tell 'em! what a good little texas girl.

The power went out in the gym last night. I was kinda bummed because I'd only been there an hour and hadn't even finished half my workout. But it was storming pretty bad. They tried to tell everyone they either had to leave or hide in the locker room. everyone kinda ignored that. A lot people left. But they were talking about how tornadoes were ripping through Highland Village and Bedford, and when i went to the window, it looked like armageddon. so a lot of us just hung out in the lobby and watched the weather. it was kinda cool actually.

On saturday, I was working on biceps and this big guy came up to me and said "You're getting some serious baseballs in there!" and pointed to my biceps. It was ironic because i actually was listening to the Ranger game on my phone. so i said thank you!! and he walked away. this is the same guy that came up to me several months ago when i was on the same machine and said "You're really getting big!"
I thought he was just super nice. now i think he's gay. he usually comes to the gym with this other big dude and they ride together in the same car. ok, maybe he's perfectly straight. i don't know. i don't care. i'm flattered either way. i think.

going to the Inwood tonight to see a flick with a bunch of people from the old days. like Eli. whoa. so awesome.

2 weeks till the ranch and it looks like everyone can go...this is gonna be AWESOME!! i need to order a waterbed mattress and some tiger & lion meat. i'm pretty broke, but i've gotta find a way to make that happen. probably should buy some more paintballs too. OH! and i wanna get some wounded animal pee. something that attracts the coyotes or cougars. ok. i need to make myself work now! yayy!!!!!

great sermon on sunday. how can you just blow that off and walk out and go back to just being who you were? i don't get it. argh!! people.

Tanzania

This is a song that I absolutely love. I bought it on itunes a few months ago.
I love because she has such an incredibly crisp, perfect voice (at least on the mp3), it's a catchy simple tune...it's basically the perfect type of music. there, i said it.

But what really makes me love this song so much more is that my dad is from Tanzania and my mom's family is from Chattanooga. Kinda random to just-so-happen to have a song about those two places. i love it.

I'd also like to say that kids that went to boarding school in Africa turn out to be kinda weird adults. Dad's been getting in contact with a lot of people from Kenya (that's where his school was) lately and they're just...odd. especially for MKs. but heck, my dad is odd! so maybe that's not a bad thing.

I love alli rogers. if kelly clarkson gets assassinated, Alli is next in line to be my bride. though i really have no idea what she looks like. eh, who cares!

i hate titles. it forces you to think. i refuse.

i need to write but the words won't fall out of my head. i don't even know what the words are. my head is full, my heart is full, and i can't do anything about it. there's no release.

i'm just tired of this world.

ya know? one of those days where all the darkness of the world weighs on you.

This is not the world the way it was intended to be. Every one misses out on life the way it was intended to be, even Christians. some times i feel alone in how i see the world. and it's just completely overwhelming and.....geeeeeez. i can't put everything into words.

and i hate not having a plan and not knowing the future and not knowing what path is the right path and what decision is right and what...yada yada yada. nevermind. i'm burned out.

Fraiser is on. that makes me happy. this tv is ridiculously huge.

i need even less tv in my life. but a little Fraiser never hurt anyone.