Scattershooting

First and foremost, I would like to take this chance to NOT complain about the weather. it's quite nice.

Secondly, Kelly Clarkson just gets better and better, right? I mean the new album is incredible, her best yet! Several of the songs will straight of melt your ear holes! so awesome. AND not only that, but she's been taking a lot of crap from the media lately. I guess she looked big on AI and people thought she was preggers. but no, my woman was like "i'm not pregnant, i'm a big woman now. you can deal with it because i like me and i think i look fine. i look normal. so if you think i'm fat, i reeeeeeally don't care. kiss my butt" that's a paraphrase, but the same general idea. She's awesome and she looks GOOD! so good job, Kelly! you tell 'em! what a good little texas girl.

The power went out in the gym last night. I was kinda bummed because I'd only been there an hour and hadn't even finished half my workout. But it was storming pretty bad. They tried to tell everyone they either had to leave or hide in the locker room. everyone kinda ignored that. A lot people left. But they were talking about how tornadoes were ripping through Highland Village and Bedford, and when i went to the window, it looked like armageddon. so a lot of us just hung out in the lobby and watched the weather. it was kinda cool actually.

On saturday, I was working on biceps and this big guy came up to me and said "You're getting some serious baseballs in there!" and pointed to my biceps. It was ironic because i actually was listening to the Ranger game on my phone. so i said thank you!! and he walked away. this is the same guy that came up to me several months ago when i was on the same machine and said "You're really getting big!"
I thought he was just super nice. now i think he's gay. he usually comes to the gym with this other big dude and they ride together in the same car. ok, maybe he's perfectly straight. i don't know. i don't care. i'm flattered either way. i think.

going to the Inwood tonight to see a flick with a bunch of people from the old days. like Eli. whoa. so awesome.

2 weeks till the ranch and it looks like everyone can go...this is gonna be AWESOME!! i need to order a waterbed mattress and some tiger & lion meat. i'm pretty broke, but i've gotta find a way to make that happen. probably should buy some more paintballs too. OH! and i wanna get some wounded animal pee. something that attracts the coyotes or cougars. ok. i need to make myself work now! yayy!!!!!

great sermon on sunday. how can you just blow that off and walk out and go back to just being who you were? i don't get it. argh!! people.

Tanzania

This is a song that I absolutely love. I bought it on itunes a few months ago.
I love because she has such an incredibly crisp, perfect voice (at least on the mp3), it's a catchy simple tune...it's basically the perfect type of music. there, i said it.

But what really makes me love this song so much more is that my dad is from Tanzania and my mom's family is from Chattanooga. Kinda random to just-so-happen to have a song about those two places. i love it.

I'd also like to say that kids that went to boarding school in Africa turn out to be kinda weird adults. Dad's been getting in contact with a lot of people from Kenya (that's where his school was) lately and they're just...odd. especially for MKs. but heck, my dad is odd! so maybe that's not a bad thing.

I love alli rogers. if kelly clarkson gets assassinated, Alli is next in line to be my bride. though i really have no idea what she looks like. eh, who cares!

i hate titles. it forces you to think. i refuse.

i need to write but the words won't fall out of my head. i don't even know what the words are. my head is full, my heart is full, and i can't do anything about it. there's no release.

i'm just tired of this world.

ya know? one of those days where all the darkness of the world weighs on you.

This is not the world the way it was intended to be. Every one misses out on life the way it was intended to be, even Christians. some times i feel alone in how i see the world. and it's just completely overwhelming and.....geeeeeez. i can't put everything into words.

and i hate not having a plan and not knowing the future and not knowing what path is the right path and what decision is right and what...yada yada yada. nevermind. i'm burned out.

Fraiser is on. that makes me happy. this tv is ridiculously huge.

i need even less tv in my life. but a little Fraiser never hurt anyone.

It's midnight in LA.

I supposed I should be sleeping. But really sleep isn't that great.

um. I'm ready to go home and write.

talking to Sara online.

I really really really can't wait to get home and work out. I want to kill my abs like they's never been killed before. I want to spend so much more time in the gym! I can't wait it kick my body's butt!

I cried watching the polar bear swim around. One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. no lie. I was overwhelmed by God's kindness to us. We don't deserve that. why should disgusting thing like people get to share in the glory of God like that? awe inspiring. seriously.
The creativity that goes into all the different species, the intricate details, it's like art. Watching the baby leopard play is like standing in front of a really beautiful piece of art. and the stupid animals make me cry, because through them I feel God's love.

i'm crier now. cryer? have been for the last year or so. not sure what changed me, except God. i cry at everything now and it's wonderful! I love that depth of emotion, that depth of feeling. I love being to overwhelmed by His goodness that that's the only way I can express myself. I used to go years between tears. Haha....now I'm lucky if it's days! I'm not talking like bawling (although there's this one song that always reduces me to that), it's more like my eyes well up and one or two little tears spill over.

I'm a nosy person. I wish I was nosy because I care about people so much and want to know how to pray for them. But really I'm just nosy because I'm nosy.

I like sarcasm. Too much, I think. It's too much of a defense mechinism. It can make you sound arrogant. and it's too easy. It doesn't make you think of a good retort. But mostly I don't like it because most of the time I don't feel the love of Christ in it. I think there's probably a way to be loving and sarcastic, but I'm not talented with that combination. So I need less sarcasm and more love. Less negative, more positive. ya dig?

I want a motorcycle. i just do.

I feel the weight of "owning" things. we don't own things. none of this is ours and none of this is permanent. I feel convicted. I don't want stuff.

I just used dictionary.com to figure out how to spell "Permanent". It's sad that I couldn't spell that. geez. I love English and I value words. It's important to me to spell things correctly, though I'm sure my grammar is atrocious.

Nothing makes me as frustrated as when people aren't just honest with me. I'm not retarded, I can tell you aren't been completely truthful and it just makes it worse to try and pass it off as the truth.
I don't know which is more frustrating, when someone tells you something that you know is mostly likely not true at all, or when there are things simply left unsaid for sake of not hurting someone's feelings. Like, it's fine if you want to treat me bad or ignore me or whatever, but just be honest and tell me what's up! Some times people need to have their feelings hurt. Some times people won't have their feelings hurt by what you think will hurt them. We spend so much time trying to protect others based on what WE think is best for them. All I know is that I wish everyone was honest and would TELL you when they have a problem with you. The worst thing is to be left wondering what you did wrong. How do you ever grow is people dont bring their complaints directly to you? Be honest, hurt some feelings! It's ok!

It's weird when you have someone in the middle of your mind. We really should have a term for that. It's like you aren't consciously thinking about them, and they aren't in the back of your mind. They aren't just that tiny lingering afterthought. They're a little closer to the front. Like, if you stopped whatever you were doing and just paused, they'd move to the front of your mind and you'd find yourself consciously thinking about them. I'm sure you know what I mean, so why is there no term for having someone in the middle of your mind?

It sucks to hurt when you don't really know why. Especially when you're a dude.

If I didn't need to have a job ever again or I knew what my job would be forever and ever, I would strongly consider getting full sleeves. or at least one. hmm.

I have very, very strong protector instincts. I want to protect the people I love in every possible way. I'm sure that would get annoying if I acted on my every urge to protect. I'm going to be a freakin' mess if I ever have girls. oh man. shoot me.

I've historically been a very jealous person. You ALL know that. But I've seen God make INCREDIBLE changes in that area! I'm very grateful.

My daily goals lately have been that I want to live a thankful life and a humble life. I want to accept the wreck that I am, so that I may see the brillience and beauty of His grace and love, and fall completely on that and in turn, live a life of gratitude for all I've been given. Because I deserve NOTHING. I feel like i can never grasp that deeply enough.

Best thing about the west coast: the weather or In-n-out?

It's 1am in LA.

does good mean BIG? or what?

I feel like a dramatic teenager whenever I say i'm not doing well or had a miserable day....but honestly, I had a miserable day. miserable. i'm blowing off my test for class and going to bed because i'm sick of this day.

The bright spot:
I brought my shirt up to the counter at Pac Sun. The lady walked over, didn't say a word to me, scanned my shirt, punched some buttons on the register and told me my total. That's all she said me the whole time, just the total. I gave her cash, she gave me change. I thanked her.
Then she said, "By the way, that shirt makes your biceps looks good" I had no idea what she was talking about and said, "what? this shirt that i'm wearing??" she said, "Yeah, it looks really good with the stripe there, makes your biceps look good!" I was awkward and said something like "Oh wow! thank you! i really appreciate that!" blah. i don't handle compliments well. but honestly, that made my day.