It's barely 9am and I've already composed a beautiful, beautiful poem.
A person of interest is it's basis, I really hope you don't find it racist.
Questions
What is Hannah Goetz doing right now?
is she in the pasture milking the cow?
Perhaps sleeping soundly, still fast asleep?
no, she's a farmer, tending her sheep!
Does she like skiing, on top of a mountain?
Do you think she spits in drinking fountains?
Is she a mexican? Ergo de facto,
her lunch must consist of chewing tobacco!
Is her hair pink or is it yellow?
Is she moody or actually quite mellow?
Questions like these must be asked daily
until we get blown up by an angry Israeli.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
"Ted, it's a POEM!"
First. Pray for me. I've had a heavy heart lately for several reasons.
Lately God has been doing these weird, funny things that I don't understand. Just super coincidental things. It seriously stirs my heart because I feel like He's communicating with me. He is so good. He is so GOOD. sometimes i just love saying that!
I'll spare you the other awesome stories, but this was an odd one today.
As I was praying after work today I found myself praying for wisdom. Maybe begging would be a more accurate word. I was begging Him for wisdom, and as I was praying for that, I thought about that verse that promises that He'll give us wisdom if we ask, and ask with faith. I had no idea where it is in the NT, but I'd just read it in the past few weeks. It made me smile because I love that reassurance, and the confidence that I find in that. I treasure that promise, especially today.
Then I opened my Bible and I happened to be starting the book of James today. I began reading and immediately, BAM-O! The fifth verse in: "But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind."
How ding dang awesome is THAT? oh mercy, that seriously made me laugh out loud! I honestly think God was reassuring me that He will provide the wisdom I need in this situation.
I thought that was pretty funny, but then, something else happened. SUPER weird.
I made it down to verse 14:
"But each one is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desires. Then when desire conceives, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is full grown, it gives birth to death."
This is one of those unexplainable bizarre things, but when I read the word "death" it instantly triggered something in my mind and made me start writing. and rhyming.
I immediately thought of where I was mentally & spiritually a few years ago and how dark it had gotten. I just started writing.
This is really insane to me because rhyming and whatnot never came easy to me. I wanted to be a lyricist when I was growing up but I suck at it. I can't make words flow out of my head very easily, but today this stuff was just being puked out of my head.
That being said, I'd like to stress that I'm claiming that it was unnaturally EASY, not that it bears any semblance of being GOOD.
We're talking 2nd grade bad rhyming. There's no consistency or talent. I would liken this to Barnabas Stinson's Sexless Innkeeper, except much worse. But I think he'd be proud though because, hey, it rhymes!
But I feel like somehow God was in it. Why? i have no idea! Another one of those ridiculously strange things He's been doing to me lately. This thing is terrible, but it feels exactly like where I was three years. It's spooky to me. I creeps meself out!
I basically wasted every opportunity He gave me for about three years. That's what it feels like now. I'd like to say that I'm just strong-willed, but really I'm just stubborn and bullheaded. Anyway, I've had/gotten to repent to a lot of people this year.
When He humbles me, He breaks my kneecaps. But I'm sure glad He does!
this is where i need to be.
Simply for the sake of being vulnerable and transparent (and preserving the title of my blog page), because i do NOT want to post this...ugh....
2006
The stench of death clouds my mind
I thought I could see but I've become so blind.
Darkness has overcome where there once was hope.
My vision is short, a narrow scope.
Crowning myself as king, I sealed my doom.
Endlessly writing, trapped in this room.
A small basement in my heart of stone
is where You found Your new home.
Your grace was screaming in the fading light
I tried to silence You with all my might.
My only Hope, I'd cast aside.
Was THIS the life for which You died?
See! super duper rhyme-y! super duper terrible! But i like it! I'm not proud of it, but I like it. I can feel it. You can't. But I can.
Now here's a picture of a panda with a gun to cheer you up
Adorable.
Lately God has been doing these weird, funny things that I don't understand. Just super coincidental things. It seriously stirs my heart because I feel like He's communicating with me. He is so good. He is so GOOD. sometimes i just love saying that!
I'll spare you the other awesome stories, but this was an odd one today.
As I was praying after work today I found myself praying for wisdom. Maybe begging would be a more accurate word. I was begging Him for wisdom, and as I was praying for that, I thought about that verse that promises that He'll give us wisdom if we ask, and ask with faith. I had no idea where it is in the NT, but I'd just read it in the past few weeks. It made me smile because I love that reassurance, and the confidence that I find in that. I treasure that promise, especially today.
Then I opened my Bible and I happened to be starting the book of James today. I began reading and immediately, BAM-O! The fifth verse in: "But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind."
How ding dang awesome is THAT? oh mercy, that seriously made me laugh out loud! I honestly think God was reassuring me that He will provide the wisdom I need in this situation.
I thought that was pretty funny, but then, something else happened. SUPER weird.
I made it down to verse 14:
"But each one is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desires. Then when desire conceives, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is full grown, it gives birth to death."
This is one of those unexplainable bizarre things, but when I read the word "death" it instantly triggered something in my mind and made me start writing. and rhyming.
I immediately thought of where I was mentally & spiritually a few years ago and how dark it had gotten. I just started writing.
This is really insane to me because rhyming and whatnot never came easy to me. I wanted to be a lyricist when I was growing up but I suck at it. I can't make words flow out of my head very easily, but today this stuff was just being puked out of my head.
That being said, I'd like to stress that I'm claiming that it was unnaturally EASY, not that it bears any semblance of being GOOD.
We're talking 2nd grade bad rhyming. There's no consistency or talent. I would liken this to Barnabas Stinson's Sexless Innkeeper, except much worse. But I think he'd be proud though because, hey, it rhymes!
But I feel like somehow God was in it. Why? i have no idea! Another one of those ridiculously strange things He's been doing to me lately. This thing is terrible, but it feels exactly like where I was three years. It's spooky to me. I creeps meself out!
I basically wasted every opportunity He gave me for about three years. That's what it feels like now. I'd like to say that I'm just strong-willed, but really I'm just stubborn and bullheaded. Anyway, I've had/gotten to repent to a lot of people this year.
When He humbles me, He breaks my kneecaps. But I'm sure glad He does!
this is where i need to be.
Simply for the sake of being vulnerable and transparent (and preserving the title of my blog page), because i do NOT want to post this...ugh....
2006
The stench of death clouds my mind
I thought I could see but I've become so blind.
Darkness has overcome where there once was hope.
My vision is short, a narrow scope.
Crowning myself as king, I sealed my doom.
Endlessly writing, trapped in this room.
A small basement in my heart of stone
is where You found Your new home.
Your grace was screaming in the fading light
I tried to silence You with all my might.
My only Hope, I'd cast aside.
Was THIS the life for which You died?
See! super duper rhyme-y! super duper terrible! But i like it! I'm not proud of it, but I like it. I can feel it. You can't. But I can.
Now here's a picture of a panda with a gun to cheer you up
Adorable.
Monday, November 23, 2009
one of those nights
It honestly was a great day. Why do I suddenly feels so sad and discouraged?
Maybe I care more than I thought I do. geeeeez. how can I not know myself after all this time? How can I not understand myself?
I feel like a stranger to my own heart. Hi, have we met? Because you are confusing and make no sense.
Sometimes it feels like there's no consistency within the heart. The things that don't matter, matter. And the things that matter, don't matter. It makes no sense.
can i punch myself in the face now please?
i need a slap in the face...how ironic!
Maybe I care more than I thought I do. geeeeez. how can I not know myself after all this time? How can I not understand myself?
I feel like a stranger to my own heart. Hi, have we met? Because you are confusing and make no sense.
Sometimes it feels like there's no consistency within the heart. The things that don't matter, matter. And the things that matter, don't matter. It makes no sense.
can i punch myself in the face now please?
i need a slap in the face...how ironic!
I love days like this
when i time it just perfectly so that I'm stuck behind the school bus on my way home.
and I do NOT say that sarcastically!
I love watching all the little elementary kids run off the bus to their parents or to their apartments.
It's such a huge group of hugs that get off at the apartments, and I'm telling you, every single kid always has a huge smile and they're all running around and laughing.
I remember the joy of finally being done with the school day, but it's an even bigger thrill for me now to watch the look of joy on those kids' faces as they get off the bus and head home. It just makes me heart so flippin' happy to watch them kids.
And now I must head to my appointment at the Genius bar.
Pray that I remain patient and understanding in my frustration.
and I do NOT say that sarcastically!
I love watching all the little elementary kids run off the bus to their parents or to their apartments.
It's such a huge group of hugs that get off at the apartments, and I'm telling you, every single kid always has a huge smile and they're all running around and laughing.
I remember the joy of finally being done with the school day, but it's an even bigger thrill for me now to watch the look of joy on those kids' faces as they get off the bus and head home. It just makes me heart so flippin' happy to watch them kids.
And now I must head to my appointment at the Genius bar.
Pray that I remain patient and understanding in my frustration.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I just saw a commercial for Transformers
Ya know what was a reallllly fun day? well actually a really fun two days.
When we all drove down south for 4 hours while watching HIMYM the whole way. We stopped at the San Marcos outlet mall, bought stuff, got our hands washed with Dead Sea salt, then went to New Braunfels and floated down the river. We were late and had to walk our tubes back when we were done. After that we stopped at Wal-Mart and bought delicious un-health food. Then we drove through Panda Express and Sara spilled in my car. Haha! We got to the Ranch and we had the place to ourselves. We watched HIMYM and we all slept in sleeping bags in the living room.
Then next day we ate at the Sunrise for lunch, then stopped at the Dollar General and went over to the chamber of commerce to inquire about swimming at Choke Canyon. Instead, they pointed us to the public pool. We went back to the Ranch and played a couple rounds of wii Monopoly, then went to the pool. That was freakin' fun! We stopped for ice cream at Dairy Queen on the way back. We watched HIMYM for a while, then that evening we went to go see Transformers 2 at the Rialto down on the square. That was a really fun experience! Afterwards we had dinner at Dairy Queen, and then when we finally got back to the ranch, everyone else was there! yay.
Maybe it sounds lame. and maybe that's because you don't understand rural Texas and/or small towns. But those were seriously two of the most fun days of my life!
and we all lived happishly ever after. the end.
When we all drove down south for 4 hours while watching HIMYM the whole way. We stopped at the San Marcos outlet mall, bought stuff, got our hands washed with Dead Sea salt, then went to New Braunfels and floated down the river. We were late and had to walk our tubes back when we were done. After that we stopped at Wal-Mart and bought delicious un-health food. Then we drove through Panda Express and Sara spilled in my car. Haha! We got to the Ranch and we had the place to ourselves. We watched HIMYM and we all slept in sleeping bags in the living room.
Then next day we ate at the Sunrise for lunch, then stopped at the Dollar General and went over to the chamber of commerce to inquire about swimming at Choke Canyon. Instead, they pointed us to the public pool. We went back to the Ranch and played a couple rounds of wii Monopoly, then went to the pool. That was freakin' fun! We stopped for ice cream at Dairy Queen on the way back. We watched HIMYM for a while, then that evening we went to go see Transformers 2 at the Rialto down on the square. That was a really fun experience! Afterwards we had dinner at Dairy Queen, and then when we finally got back to the ranch, everyone else was there! yay.
Maybe it sounds lame. and maybe that's because you don't understand rural Texas and/or small towns. But those were seriously two of the most fun days of my life!
and we all lived happishly ever after. the end.
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