i didn't re-read or spell check this. forgive me.

Sometimes I get jealous of people who know a lot of theology and can have deep discussions of a theological nature.
Though I gotta say I'm less and less apt to fall for the lie that that's how we're all supposed to be.

I'm not saying it's not good to know a lot, because it is! I just think he's gifted different people with the skill to desire knowledge and to learn, retain and articulate well.

I'm impressed by those guys. But I realize that I don't have to BE them. My goal isn't

It's probably good that God didn't bless me with that gift because I KNOW that I'd have pride. Consciously or subconsciously, I would be proud of my knowledge. And that's dangerous because you can use knowledge as a weapon (or even as a defense) to beat people down and I certainly don't need that kinda temptation.

I probably need to understand theology better, and I have been working at that, but it doesn't come as easily for me. And I'm okay with that because God has blessed in other areas, and allowed me to know Him and experience Him in different ways. I think some people experience God intellectually and some people it's through circumstances or something else.
So i would say that we have a certain level of knowledge of God too, but it's not intellectual-type knowledge.

Like, I'll probably never be able to sit and have a conversation about dispensationalism, but I could excitedly talk for hours about what I've learned about God from my own walk with Him, the things He's taught me and revealed to me. I could talk about how I've experienced God, the things He's in me, through me, and around me. And I'm not sure how to explain it (cuz i'm 99% stupid) but my own walk with Christ feels like it's unique and different and so vibrant.

So maybe the way He speaks to my heart is through my life and things He allows me to feel, experience, and go through. I'm definitely a hard learner. And I don't think I'd be able to see God any other way than through experience.

And for the intellectuals, I think God speaks to their hearts through theology and knowledge.

I guess like we see God from a different angle. Not to say that the non-intellectuals and intellectuals can never see God from each other's angle, but I think we're inherently gifted to see God from a certain angle. It's the same God, same Truth, just different perspectives. And there obviously needs to be some cross-over. We both need to see from each other's angle. I just think we're gifted to naturally see and hear from Him in a certain way.

So I admire the theology buffs like Matt or a thousand other people I know, but I know that's not me.

Does that make ANY sense??

Ok all my dreams have come true!

My biggest dream was to walk up to Pastor Matt and just hug him.

And I did.

I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl!! I can't stop smiling! It feels like Christmas day inside my soul!

He humbles me. I want to be like him. I want to love Jesus like he does. I want to be a Godly husband and father, and he is a incredible example of what that looks like.
I don't many people that love Jesus like he does. And he doesn't just love Him, He really knows Him too. I want to pursue Jesus with such reckless abandon, not caring but knowing Him more. ahhhhh!!

So I talked to him a little bit and told him I've been praying for him. He said that these last two days have been insanely jam-packed, which I already knew from reading his twitter. (How bad is it that I creep on my own pastor? haha!!) I don't remember what else we talked about.

But the one thing I always wanted to ask, I totally forgot. It's completely menial, but I'm so curious if he knows Shawn Davis. oh wait, Creth are you reading this? do YOU have any idea? I know that Shawn used to run with the Shane & Caleb crowd and Matt ran around with Shane & Shane, and everyone on staff seems to know Caleb, so I just wondered if Matt and Shawn knew each other.

We talked to Bleeker too. He's so kind. so was Matt. Couldn't have been friendlier. Joel and Bleeker talked about Hillsong and Kari Jobe and leading worship and Joel's synagogue, etc. Joel told him that we should sing Savior King in church and Michael was like YEAH! that's a GREAT song!!

I can't really express how excited I am. To meet such a man of God is just kinda thrilling!
I guess it'd be akin to meeting Marky Mark. except WAY better!! and I'm pretty sure Matt doesn't have Marky Mark abs. But then again, who does?

I guess my next life goal will have to be to hug Mark Driscoll. and after that maybe Francis Chan. Then perhaps John Piper. or maybe I should move John Piper to the front of the line since he's getting old. naaaah, I think I'll keep them ranked in order of their impact on my life.

and yeah, I know they're just men. But these are heroes of the faith. These are the men that explain Scripture to me. These are the men that God has used to open my heart and completely change me. These are the messengers of His Grace.

And in regards to Matt, I know he's not The Village. I love Matt and I love my church. They're two separate things. I love our family, our community. I love our people. I get teary-eyed when I think about our community of Believers so desperate and passionate to know Jesus and to live lives that bring Him glory. I couldn't imagine a better place to wait with blessed hope for the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Lord willingly, this is my home for the next 50 or so years. I'm home. I love my home.


(view from the last row)

In the interest of full disclosure...

I had a dream about Miley last night.

It's not like i PLANNED it!! sheesh!

I dreamed I was something like an older brother to her, offering her advice and whatnot.
She found her boyfriend making out with some other girl in her closet and was heartbroken, and I was like, "yo, he wasn't a good guy anyway. He didn't have respect for you. I mean, come on, he was making out in YOUR closet! The guy was a skeez."
But dang was she sad! She went outside and cried. I walked outside, patted her on the back and said, "If you want to talk, I'm here for you. I'll assume you want to be alone for now. But I'll be inside if you want to talk, but I have to leave for work in an hour."

Also, I was good friends with her little brothers, who sure did look an awful lot like Brandon and Nathan Trippe. It was really kinda fun. they had a nice house. But i was reallllllly bummed because i didn't get to meet Billy Ray. bummer. sadness.

go ahead and be jealous.

Things in my head at this exact minute

I like visiting the hospital under certain circumstances. I like sitting in the room visiting someone. It's so clean and bright. Relaxing, even. It's kinda a magical place because it takes everything in your life and sheds the light of perspective on them. Nothing outside of those 4 walls really seems to matter all that much when you're in there. And you've got family and friends filtering in and out all the time.
It's just kinda nice...under the right circumstances. As in, nothing terribly serious.

Ironically, the new television show The Middle reminds me a lot of Malcom in the Middle. They both have the word "Middle" in the title, which is what makes it ironic.

Reviews of recent music:

Jet - Shaka Rock
Guitary and awesome. Better than Get Born because it's consistently rockilicious. The whole thing is great. It's like getting kicked in the teeth with a steel-toed boot. It makes me wanna go out and just, like, grow a really thick beard. ..or something.

Weezer - Raditude
It's better than the Red album. Maybe not as good as the Blue album. But their best stuff in years for sure...in my humble opinion. But if you disagree, it's okay if you wanna go ahead mock me. I don't mind!
It just makes me feel good. It's really melodic and catchy. It's like pouring smooth, velvety tomato soup in your ears. Makes you feel good inside. It kinda reminds me of Sugar Ray's latest album, Music for Cougars. Not that they sound alike, rather just because they're both fun and happy. I like happy music. There's enough Dashboard and Sufjan for the rest of the world to get depressed to. Give me the music that makes ya smile! Sometimes "shallow" music just hits the spot!

Switchfoot - Hello, Hurricane
I bet it's pretty good. I bought it and have kinda almost half-listened to it. I think it was probably good. It's Switchfoot! you know what you're getting. Good lyrics, a few catchy songs, and a few songs that'll take some getting used to before you decide they're genius.
It's kinda weird now, having heard what Jon can do on his own, to go back and hear him as part of Switchfoot again. It's so different. I listen to Foreman incessantly, day after day, so it's odd to hear him with the band again.

Relient K - Forget and Not Slow Down
So you remember how MmHmm was all super happy and optimistic? Exact opposite here.
Apparently that girl he was dating that inspired songs like "High of 75" and "My Girl's Ex-Boyfriend" ripped his freaking heart out because lyrically, this thing is a downer. Musically, I love the poo outta it!
And maybe i need to listen harder but I wasn't able to pull much from it spiritually, which is a disappointment.

In other reviews...
Miley- still making incredible, mind-blowing mind.
The new Kevin Hammond single is incredible. As is the latest Michael Buble.
Can't say I really care for Phil Wickham's single, Cielo. It's not BAD. It's just not...i don't know. It wasn't what I hoped it would be. It's not as insightful or musically exciting, in MY opinion. BUT, it is pretty catchy!
The new Robbie Seay single, Miracle? eh.
Maybe I'm a harsher critic of Christian music, or maybe I just expect more. I'm so fickle, cuz I'm sure if we sing this in church a couple times, I'll think it's the greatest song ever.
Speaking of, I wish we could freakin' download Bleaker's songs. I know you can listen to them on the website, but my gosh, that one song is my favorite song ever and i need to be able to listen to it when i can openly cry. ya know, like a baby.

I'm procrastinating. that's why I'm blogging. Avoiding homework. blah.
I've lost 3% body fat in the last month or so. Kinda proud of that. Been doing a lot of cardio at work and eating healthy. ish.

Mark Driscoll is going to be on loveline with Dr. Drew next year. I hope he's able to post that to the Mars Hill site, cuz that is sure to be killer radio. I can't even imagine! I love that man.

ok good. There ya go. Nothing insightful or real, just fluff stuff. please do enjoy.

Maturity

In relation to my deleted blog yesterday,

I think it's just a maturity thing.

If your goal is to glorify Christ, you have to be aware of other people.
If a consequential goal is to serve people, you gotta be self-aware.
You have to be self-aware in order to die to yourself. It's the only way.

A lot of that is simply a result of the sanctification and maturation process.


...is this post better? haha!