I often find myself asking God to give me patience or give me love or give me grace. I'm not about to say that's wrong to ask for, but I think that more often than not, God doesn't just POOF! give you the ability to be patience. It's not a superpower that some day He's just going to magically give you. These are things that are more likely learned. So when we ask Him to give us these qualities that we need and that we lack, we should really open our eyes to where He could be teach us those things throughout the day.
Maybe the answer to your prayer isn't that I just suddenly have patience or love or grace. Maybe the answer is that He's allowed me to be placed in a frustrating situation today. That punk user that calls me about something so ridiculous could be the answer to my prayer because it gives me an opportunity to learn the patience I've asked for. So I need to keep my eyes open for my prayers being answered in a less-conventional way that I'd think, and in a harder way than I'd prefer.
It also teaches me to thank God in all situations because the annoyances are most likely things that He's using to refine us. Some times a whiny customer isn't just a whiny customer. Some times it's a gift. a blessing.

As always, i know these are pretty elementary thoughts, but apparently I seem to lose sight of the simple things. I always seem to find myself asking for Him to give me these qualities without stopping to think what I'm really asking for or how He could be answering my prayers. Do we really look for His answers when we pray? or do we just expect stuff to happen? i don't know. that's what i'm thinking about this morning.

How good is God to show us how weak we are even in the areas where we think we're strong!

This, That and the guy over there

My favorite part of the day has got to be watching the morning sun rise. It's perfect. Starting the day off with such overwhelming beauty makes day's troubles pale in comparison. It's breathtaking, peaceful. Everything is still and perfect. The sky is like a placid sea, seamless and tranquil before it all melts into that prosaic blue and overwhelms the entire landscape. It's hard not to admire the colors and think of it was a clean slate, a fresh start. I love that. I love the morning and the hope it brings.
I love taking the time and simply telling God about what's going on in my life and what's occupying my heart. I realize that He already knows, but it brings Him closer to talk to Him like a friend. And though it can be embarrassing because often times my focus is way off of what it should be, telling Him everything changes everything. It changes my heart and helps me re-gain my focus. I get so swept away in the fact that He wants me to talk to Him, that He wants me to share my heart with Him no matter how out-of-whack it might be. He wants to hear my cares, my desires and my burdens, no matter how ridiculous and short-sighted they might be. And often, after talking to Him, I'll actually have a much clearer perspective. That's one of my favorite things and I'm kinda overcome with gratitude for Him this morning. I'm not sure why this morning is any different from any other though.

I've had a couple brief eternally-significant conversations this week. That's always encouraging. But it leaves me voracious for more. I have a hard time constraining myself and not saying more than I need to.

I bought my co-workers donuts this morning. Though, they're less like co-workers and more like brothers at this point. I love them. I really love them.

And I'm excited about hitting the gym tonight and tomorrow. Should be awesome. woooo!!

You ever feel like you take 1 step forward and 2 steps back?



ugh.


.

Friends of God

Today i ate like a raccoon. I was a naughty eater.

here's the unhealthiest of what i ate today:
Giant chocolate chip muffin that left grease stains on the napkins it was sitting on (while it was still in the wrapper!)
Corny Dog
Cherry Limeade Shake
Mozzarella Sticks
Frito chili cheese wrap
Bundt cake

Yeah. i didn't go to the gym. So at 8pm i decide i needed to go to the gym. and that ended up being the most fun thing I did all week!
It was a slice of Heaven for me. You have the fact that I simply love being at the gym (which i'll probably write a whole blog about at some point)It's a sanctuary for me.
But not only that, I did the most wonderful cardio, which admittedly is my weak area. I call it the wussy bikes. They're lousy cardio...unless you're gonna spend a long time doing it. and i did. Seriously, it was bliss! I sat there and biked while I listened to the Ranger game on my phone while I also watched it on the tv in front of me. And at the same time, I read Vintage Jesus. I did that for 80 minutes. i supposedly burned 460 calories and biked 16.5 miles. But i was nowhere near exhausted, so I'm not sure how much I believe those numbers.
But it was a perfect evening for me. and there were only 4 people in the gym! I kinda miss all the hustle and bustle, yet...it's kinda nice.

And I love Vintage Jesus. It's PERFECT to read at the gym because it's mostly head knowledge, which i need and enjoy. But it's head knowledge that you can walk away from, think about and let settle into your heart.
I'm also reading How People Change at home. I'm also LOVING that book! But it's more heart knowledge-y book. I have to read it slowly because I don't want to miss the beautiful truths and revelations. I have to absorb it more slowly. So it's not a book I can read just anywhere.

I have several book I'm hoping to read this summer. It's wonderful to read. hahahaha!! I need more reading buddies. although...that makes it really tempting to talk about the awesome things you're learning.

I watched an interesting Documentary last night. I always watch the docs about Christians and Christianity, even that Bill Maher one. But this one was different than the several others that I've seen this year.
It was done by Alexandra Pelosi (who I'd have to assume is somehow related to Nancy. I should probably google that. ok. just did. yeah, she's her daughter). And even though Alexandra is an atheist herself, she didn't really say anything demeaning towards us. In fact, there was very little narration, and she really didn't even let her own viewpoint be known.
(Though, you could kinda tell what she thinks through the way it was edited.)
But the thing that really caught me is that she didn't HAVE to say anything to bash Christianity.
She let us hang ourselves. She asked questions and let people answer.

We seriously sound like morons.

Shoot, most of us probably are. The terminology we use is so exclusive, dated and just lame. and we don't know what we believe or why. we all just believe what we're told.

I guess the main thing that was evident is the way we tend to make every issue and "us vs. them" thing. We separate ourselves. We're kinda pious. Even though most of us are really quite nice people, we wanna fight everything and change everyone's view.
We want to change everyone's actions. As if that really matters! is that what we're taught in church?? Have you ever READ a Bible? Christ wants our hearts! Quit yelling at the gays, quit boycotting movies and picketing abortion clinics. Quit slapping stickers on our cars telling people to get saved. We look silly. we look stupid! and I can't see the love...I can't envision Jesus doing those things.
I'm looking at all the silly bumper stickers and billboards we toss up trying to get people to turn or burn and it makes me cringe. More than anything it gives off the message of "YOURE a sinner, come to our side, be like us, live like us" You suck, we rule.
Kinda makes me want to vomit.

And I'm one to talk because I used to be SO hardcore political. Oh man, i cared about that stuff WAY too much and it'd get me really fired up. But I finally got to the point where I just had to stop. I quit it all. I stopped listening to political talk, stopped reading it, stopped watching it. Because it's all just fighting. We're all fighting for our way of life and our opinions and trying to convince the other side of our beliefs. And that's probably good to stand firm for what you believe. yeah, it is. If you keep a sane, rational head. It's good to fight for your beliefs. But as Christians, I think our time might be better spent not always fighting and drawing lines in the sand and separating ourselves and making it an us-vs-you issue.

Not that it's ALL our fault, because, in America, if you have an opinion contrary to someone else's you're a bigot, sexist, racist, etc.
So yeah, we DO need to stand firm in what we believe. But why does that mean we can't love the other side? Why do we have to push them away? Why do we have to draw battle lines? hahaha...i think i probably sound like i've been reading Shane Claiborne, but i swear i haven't! (I think he has good intentions, but kinda tends to stray from the Word.)

This is just stuff I notice every time I seen our Family on tv or in documentaries. Where are the all the pastors that preach truth and get the HEART of matters? man. I feel so blessed to be at the church i'm at. It's changed the way I see the world. It's changed how my heart thinks.

And i'm excited about church this weekend because i haven't been able to go in quite a while AND i'm pretty danged sure Matt is actually gonna be there too! So i'm seriously looking forward to that.


I'm sorry....i know none of this made no sense, and i had no intentions of even writing about any of this, but it just kinda came out of me. sorry. and i double apologize because it was sloppy, poorly-worded and ill-conceived. yeah, so i hope you didn't read this. if you did....man, sucks for you.