It's one of those days where I just don't feel comfortable here. on Earth.

I feel foreign and everything around me seems insufficient, unprofitable and irrelevant.

You're missing the point. Everyone is missing the point.

What am I doing?

Hillsong

Hello. my name is Jordan and I'd like to talk about the Hillsong concert.

I loved it. I really, really, really loved it. I was crying from minute one.
I used to go years without crying. But these days it's like sand through a sieve.
Little things tear me up and I sometimes I'm fighting away giant sobs. Oh mercy.
But I'd dare you not to cry at this event. I sat the front and could look out at the entire arena. Have you ever been in packed together with that many brothers and sisters all singing praises to our Father?? it's freaking-dang awe-inspiring! Seriously, all i could think about was the new earth. this is what eternity will be like. this is it! It might not always just be singing, but i think it will be at times. and even when we aren't singing, everyone will still be praising and worshiping our Savior no matter what we're doing. I don't know....in my mind eternity doesn't sound scary or boring. It makes me cry because I can't wait for that day! I can't wait till all the sin and sickness and disease is removed and the new earth is revealed and we can see live as God intended. Just constant worship throughout. just...makes me cry. i don't know what else to say! Jesus is currently the appointed King, but I can't wait for the day when He's the reigning King. I long for that day!
So I basically cried for the first hour and a half. But I wouldn't let the actual tears come out of my eyes because they would have soaked the little kid in front of me. no joke. he would have drowned.
okay, I also didn't want to be the dork that started crying from the first note.
But by not wanting to look ridiculous for absolutely flat-out bawling, I surely looked even more retarded trying to hold it all in. I probably looked like I was possessed. It's stupid, our souls even can't contain that amount of joy, how could i possibly expect my face muscles to hold it in? just stupid.
It was almost frustrating because i couldn't sing. I actually ended up knowing most of the songs, which surprised me. But I couldn't sing half of them because I'd sing half a line of worship, and my voice would crack and give out as I choked back more sobs. It was an incredible experience. Seeing all of the family together like that. Sing praises of HIS holiness, His perfect holiness. Just incredible.

Then. In the middle of the concert the little Aussie preacher fellow come out to give us the good word. That's when my buzz was kicked in the groin.
His exegesis was non-existent. He used a beautiful passage about Jesus, and pretty much overlooked the Jesus part and decided that we should all pattern our lives after the minor character. It was about a blind guy that Jesus healed. The blind guy heard Jesus coming, so he begged for mercy. So the lesson we learned is that, like the blind guy, we should use what we've been given. If we don't have sight, use our hearing. Nothing about Jesus. Because obviously this was the real point of that passage. use what you've been given. What about what this passage reveals about the character of Jesus?
seriously? I suppose the guy's lesson is true...but I'm thinking that has nothing to do with the purpose of that passage. It was crazy.
It was theologically an inch deep. Which surprised me!
He pretty much yelled us about Jesus and tried to get us all pumped up for the Lord! "Who here loves Jesus?" (crowd roars) "Let's give applause to Jesus"(crowd roars) "Who's ready to praise Jesus??" (crowd roars). I seriously felt like I was at a Joel Osteen show. (yes, SHOW. Joel puts on shows.)
It felt like a mix between an Osteen show and a high school pep rally, except instead of "Let's Go, Tigers! Beat up the Pirates!" it was "Let's go, Jesus! Beat up the devil! You can do it!"
Maybe that's not a bad thing...it just didn't sit right with me. I can't really explain it. It reminded me of church camps in the 90's that were nothing more than emotion-charged pep rallies for a week. I'm not saying the whole night was like that...just the "preaching" part.
I'm also not doubting his intentions or that He loves the Lord. I absolutely believe that guy does!
But the part that REALLY, REALLY bothered me is that he "saved" a ton of people without even giving the Gospel! There was no mention of the cross or repentance or sin...not even the bare bones of salvation. No explanation of our great need for a Savior or our depravity or what Jesus did for us. His incredible sacrifice. He gave up His position in Heaven to come to EARTH for OUR sake. That alone is an unfathomable sacrifice! How can you keep from speaking about Him? What I heard him say was "If you want to have everlasting peace and joy, invite Jesus in your heart! All you have to do is ask Him into your life!"
I'm hoping I somehow heard him wrong and that Kacie could tell me what she heard, but I haven't heard back from her.
But I KNOW this part happened: we all closed our eyes and then the people that asked Jesus into their heart raised their hands. (why? i've never been clear on why) and then, THEN he had the entire arena repeat a prayer of salvation. i guess just to make sure he got everybody.
"If you want to invite Jesus into your heart, repeat these words after me..."
That just absolutely made my soul squirm.
Salvation isn't about repeating words. There's no magical incantation. That more closely resemble witchcraft than Christianity.
When simply have repeat some words, you have tons of people walking around thinking they're saved because they said this prayer, and then they can't figure out why they aren't any different at all, why there isn't any peace or joy or anything different than before, when everyone says that when Christ comes into your life, it changes you. Then they think Christianity simply doesn't work. OR, even worse, maybe they keep thinking they're saved and never pay heed to the actual Gospel! I don't know, but the affect is generally going to be BAD.
I haven't heard anyone do this in....i don't know....over a decade? It's been a long time since I've heard the Gospel reduced to a simple repeating of words.
UGH. that KILLS me.
I want people you KNOW Christ! I don't want people to THINK they're Christians, and yet never experience the joy that comes with knowing and serving Him!
That just killed me. Killllled me.

my other question is...why was it okay to take pictures the whole time except when Brooke did her thing? Isn't the entire night a time of coming before God and worshiping and praising Him and not just that one portion? i think i probably missed that explanation.

I have a hard time just being in the moment. I'm thinking about how it affects me or how i can describe it to others or how Joel could be receiving everything and what I'll say in the car on the way home to try and spark a spiritual conversation and nudge him towards Christ in His own life. There are good distractions too i guess, like when you get so caught up thinking about thinking about God that you forget to sing. It's hard for me to just be HERE, in the moment and not think about what my fb status will say or how I'll explain what i felt. blah.

Anyway, it was an AMAZING night of sweet worship and I wish I could re-live it over and over and over!

I often find myself asking God to give me patience or give me love or give me grace. I'm not about to say that's wrong to ask for, but I think that more often than not, God doesn't just POOF! give you the ability to be patience. It's not a superpower that some day He's just going to magically give you. These are things that are more likely learned. So when we ask Him to give us these qualities that we need and that we lack, we should really open our eyes to where He could be teach us those things throughout the day.
Maybe the answer to your prayer isn't that I just suddenly have patience or love or grace. Maybe the answer is that He's allowed me to be placed in a frustrating situation today. That punk user that calls me about something so ridiculous could be the answer to my prayer because it gives me an opportunity to learn the patience I've asked for. So I need to keep my eyes open for my prayers being answered in a less-conventional way that I'd think, and in a harder way than I'd prefer.
It also teaches me to thank God in all situations because the annoyances are most likely things that He's using to refine us. Some times a whiny customer isn't just a whiny customer. Some times it's a gift. a blessing.

As always, i know these are pretty elementary thoughts, but apparently I seem to lose sight of the simple things. I always seem to find myself asking for Him to give me these qualities without stopping to think what I'm really asking for or how He could be answering my prayers. Do we really look for His answers when we pray? or do we just expect stuff to happen? i don't know. that's what i'm thinking about this morning.

How good is God to show us how weak we are even in the areas where we think we're strong!

This, That and the guy over there

My favorite part of the day has got to be watching the morning sun rise. It's perfect. Starting the day off with such overwhelming beauty makes day's troubles pale in comparison. It's breathtaking, peaceful. Everything is still and perfect. The sky is like a placid sea, seamless and tranquil before it all melts into that prosaic blue and overwhelms the entire landscape. It's hard not to admire the colors and think of it was a clean slate, a fresh start. I love that. I love the morning and the hope it brings.
I love taking the time and simply telling God about what's going on in my life and what's occupying my heart. I realize that He already knows, but it brings Him closer to talk to Him like a friend. And though it can be embarrassing because often times my focus is way off of what it should be, telling Him everything changes everything. It changes my heart and helps me re-gain my focus. I get so swept away in the fact that He wants me to talk to Him, that He wants me to share my heart with Him no matter how out-of-whack it might be. He wants to hear my cares, my desires and my burdens, no matter how ridiculous and short-sighted they might be. And often, after talking to Him, I'll actually have a much clearer perspective. That's one of my favorite things and I'm kinda overcome with gratitude for Him this morning. I'm not sure why this morning is any different from any other though.

I've had a couple brief eternally-significant conversations this week. That's always encouraging. But it leaves me voracious for more. I have a hard time constraining myself and not saying more than I need to.

I bought my co-workers donuts this morning. Though, they're less like co-workers and more like brothers at this point. I love them. I really love them.

And I'm excited about hitting the gym tonight and tomorrow. Should be awesome. woooo!!